Secrets to Keep.

Dear Julius,

You would be much better off if you,

-Kept your mouth shut,
-Kept your mind open,
-Kept your ears open,
-Kept your eyes closed,
-Kept your feelings concealed,
-Kept your heart safe,
-Kept your secrets and
-Kept yourself isolated.

Just a little piece of advice to a long time friend/enemy.

Yours Sincerely,
Julius.

Geylang Lorong 18.

I finally got my attachment posting. I'll be doing it at R&J Video Productions which is located at... Geylang Lorong 18.

Hahaha. How just like me to get a posting like that.

I'm wondering how will the people there be like, the people at R&J I mean, not at Geylang although that would be an interesting thing to wonder about too heh heh heh. K anyway, I hope I get to learn more about camwork and lighting there. Editing too. I NEED TO STRENGTHEN MY EDITING SKILLS. Bahhh.

K anyway, those who need the help of me and my van, will be able to loan me out for 35 bucks per day. Price of course, is definitely negotiable. And obviously if I'm required to drive around Singapore to different locations which are far apart, my price would be higher. I don't need to justify myself on this. So there.

Oh, pay half before the job, the other half can pay later.

auralorgasm:: Sigur Ros - Syndir Guos (Opinberun Frelsarans)

I find Sigur Ros absolutely fascinating. The whole thing about creating their own language, so shiok.

Andrew asked me an extremely interesting question today. If I was given a choice, to be either a fulltime member of a band or a fulltime filmmaker, which one would I choose, assuming of course that I could make a living out of either occupations. I chose being a member of a band over a fulltime filmmaker because I just love playing music. With the right people.

But now when I think about it, I think that it's a damn hard choice to make. Ah fuck lah, I just like creating. Bah.

But I would never be a designer. Never, ever, ever.

The search for a DP is still proving elusive. I've pretty much got the whole crew already but surprisingly, no one wants to take the camera role. Fucking hell.

Got Velvet Goldmine off Ismail today, planning to watch it later on. I want to watch Porno, the sequel to Trainspotting. If anybody has it, please contact me. I really want to watch that.

I'M STILL SICK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Fahrenheit 451

Just watched Francois Truffaut's Fahrenheit 451 and I don't understand some of the images. Some of the editing techniques I also don't understand. Dammit.

But it's a good film to watch. I enjoyed myself, which is bloody surprising because I don't like the French New Wave.

I'm still sick.

Watched I Not Stupid 2 days back and I liked it quite a lot. First time I've watched it heh. Although I felt that some parts were really damn cliche, but the whole film was really quite touching. Hahaha feeling sial.

I want to travel. I want to see the world. I don't want to be stuck here for the rest of my life.

Okay now look, the thing is, each and everyone of us have the means to travel. Well, almost all of us anyway. It's only how much we want to. We have legs, we can walk. We have arms, we can work for money when we're on the road. We have lungs, we can smoke cheap cigarettes! Okay, that's besides the point. Anyway, I think it really depends on how much we want to do it. I guess my need is not a need actually, it's more of a desire and frankly, it's not much of a desire. I could drop everything now and just walk out but I just can't make myself do it.

I gottagottagottagottagotta breakkkkkkkkkk free.

If you're wondering why you don't see me online on msn any more than chances are that you've been blocked. Why? Simple.

1) I feel exploited.
2) I don't trust you.
3) I don't like you.
4) I don't like you.
5) I don't like you.

Okay so now that you all know, please just all fuck off okay? Oh and those who think that they are okay in my books but still don't see me online, quit kidding yourself. In all probability, I hate you.

K I'm still sick so I think I'll head to bed.

No I think I'll go get a pack of cigarettes first. Yes I shall.

Smoke more to heal faster.

Here's The Syringe, Go Knock Yourself Out.

auralorgasm:: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

As much as I hate to admit it, I relate quite a lot to this song.

I wonder who's reading this.

Hello, you voyeur.

My proplan is finally done, except for budgeting and I'm completing it tomorrow so I guess I can finally start concentrating on my other modules. I'm pretty scared for multitrack coz of the written test (2 hours of theory test AHHHHHHH no mcq only short answer somemore, DIE) and I think I'm gonna flunk.

I'm sicker than I was this morning.

It's so nice to have someone call me up out of the blue and ask how I am. No wonder I cherish the Spider Queen so much.

I wish the month of october didn't exist.

I want to watch Finding Forrester. No, I haven't watched it yet. Probably one of the few people on earth who hasn't heh. Oh yes, gotta return 8 Women to Vivien and get Love Me If You Dare from Lavinia. Hear that Lavinia?

I don't understand how people can be so doublefaced and hypocritical. I don't like humanity. I think all of us should just die.

FUCK LAH I JUST WANT THIS FEVER TO LEAVE MY BODY.

Sick Boy, again.

auralorgasm:: Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine

Finally, something good from CoF, considering that the last single was Babylon A.D. K ah I liked Babylon A.D too but I prefer this one. My type of music hur hur hur.

I get weird thoughts in my head when I'm sick. Yes I'm sick. My body is aching like kanina chao cheebye. I keep on having this image of somebody's head getting forced onto a table, face downward, and somebody shooting him at the back of the head. Amazingly, I'm feeling the way both parties are feeling, at the same time. The bang, the jerk, the splatter of blood, the limp body sliding down onto the floor, the satisfaction of killing, uhm yeah.

I have this weird urge to plunge a knife into my body, and to take it out and feel the warmth of my blood. No I don't think this way normally but this fever is really making me think weird thoughts. Ahhhh. Self mutilation is not good. Nononono.

Aiight, off to school for multitrack lecture then.

Crew Needed.

As some of you might know, I'm hoping to shoot a short narrative video in 3 weeks time, that is, if everything flows nicely (obviously it won't but it doesn't hurt to hope).

I need crew. No pay, in fact you'll have to pay (budget ah) and the only thing that will keep you going is passion. AND NO QUITTING HALFWAY.

Currently crew lineup is as follows:

Producer - Cherie
Director - Julius
AD/Bao Ka Liao/Sai Kang Boy - Wanwan Santoro
Sound Recordist - Crazy Chris (tentative)
Music Guy - Marcus

So anyway, I need:

Director of Photography/Camera Op
Production Manager
Production Assistants (shitloads of them)
Boom Op
Editor
Gaffers
Sponsors

Okay so if anybody is interested in any of these positions, please email or add me to msn at zola5555@hotmail.com. Alternatively you can tag me. And die die also cannot pay you. Purely for experience and uhm fun.

Details have not been hammered out and the script has not been written yet but I have the idea in my mind and I'm really keen on doing this. So yah contact me asap if interested.

(I have this really strong feeling that I won't be contacted at all).

Never blog when angry.

Unfortunately, I don't take my own advice.

Motherfucker, I had to fight the urge to ram you down with my van this afternoon. If there were no laws in Singapore, you would be dead by now. Fucking bastard.

I would write more but words cannot describe how I feel about Poff now. But it's extremely negative.

And David, fuck you too.

In other news, my respect and support to Fadhil who outed himself to his mom. Kudos to you. Will be here anytime you need me.

Fuck I don't feel like typing.

Uh.

I only just realised that I've learnt a lot of shit during this past year. All sorts of stuff I've learnt.

And I'm still smoking.

Fuck.

Sound Effects and Overdramatics.

auralorgasm:: The Used - Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Hmmm the new album really serves to disappoint. What's with all the usage of effects? Almost every song kena effected. Wah lao eh. Sigh, I much prefer the songs from the old album. Much more raw, more feeling, and more fluid. Gahhh.

I dunno whether to buy or not. On one hand, maybe it's something which takes repeated listening to like but on the other hand, I don't want to get something which I'll regret buying. Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. But one thing's for certain, I will never forget the feeling I had when I first listened to The Used.

Had a debate with Khalil and gang just now after jamming about the system in Singapore and I agree with some of the things they said. But I still feel that as Singaporeans, we really shouldn't conform so blindly but learn to question what we are doing. Are we really happy being ignorant? I don't know man but I think although ignorance may be bliss, but I think that knowing what's going on around you is much better. Are you really happy with your life now? Is this it? Look at what you're doing, is this going to be your life? I don't know what's going to happen to me in the future but I sure would like to do something different. But I'm still 19 so choices are limited right now, since I'm still blind to certain ongoings in the world around me.

A person is only a fool if no one listens to what he's saying. But once another person starts to believe in what the fool is saying, the fool will become a prophet. If that person believes in the former-fool's cause, and does what he is told to do, the prophet becomes a leader.

Fuck the cause, lets all just become sheep and follow.

Mehhh.

42.

Bic Runga.

auralorgasm:: Bic Runga - Listening for the Weather

Dig this song.

Haven't drummed since the day I hung out with Marcus. Gotta keep my wrists and coordination unrusty. Will be drumming for The Model Lipstiques' music video tomorrow. Hmpf. Wonder what'll it be like.

I feel so disconnected. Days pass so fast, much too fast. I wish I could just take a step back and take a breather but at the same time, I want to drown myself in my work. It's time to save my grades. But I think getting getting Cs for some of my modules in this semester in inevitable. Darn it.

Some of the things I do really make no fucking sense to me, even when I'm doing it. And it's not just work-related. Gahhhhhhhh.

Watched One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest today and I think it's a really great film. Anti-establishment, I liiiiiiike. Reminded me a bit of Ngee Ann Poly heh.

This ain't life. This really isn't what I ought to be doing.

I'll be going to Cambodia sometime in the near future. Hopefully I'll get my leg blown off by a landmine. I wonder how that'll change my perspective on things. Most probably not very much. But it's worth a try. I want to take a camera, a video camera, and my own bloody crew, and go out and just fucking shoot many many many narratives. Fuck it all. I want to do so manyyyyyyy things. I want to feel alive. I want to feel human. I don't want to be a fucking robot. I want to have friends, I want to have relationships, I want to spread my arms wide open, to hug the wind. I want to breathe in deep and actually feel air filling up my lungs. I want to run and run and run and run and run and run and never stop. I want to drum, I want to make music, I want to smile. I want to laugh, I want to scream and shout and wave my arms in the air. I want to mosh and to headbang. I want to listen to so much music that my soul will just fucking soar right out of my body.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It's nothing personal.

auralorgasm:: Pulse Ultra - Slip and Sin.

Nothing like a nice and heavy song to wake you up in the morning. Better than coffee heh heh heh. It's 7.21am now and I have class later at 8am. What am I still doing at home, you ask? I love my van :D.

My van got stuck last night coz I reversed it into a drain. Don't ask. Thank God the fuckin idiots from Ngee Ann's canoeing team was around. Strong motherfuckers all of them. Reminded me of a pack of hyenas too. Yeah definitely the high-pitched laughter. Looks like Jeremy isn't a one-off.

I really got to go get my discman repaired. But I don't got the time. Anyone wanna help me out on this?

I think I'm gonna go for anger management. Blew up again yesterday over a small matter. I don't know why I can be detonated so easily. Anyone knows of a good anger management course/class/shrink? Of course I could always get my resources from the internet. Hmmm.

auralorgasm:: Further Seems Forever - Hide Nothing

I still love this band.

"We live and we learn, we crash and we burn then we're gone."

Requiem.

auralfuckingorgasm:: Requiem Overture

OMG THANK YOU SRI. SRI IS MY BEST FRIEND. THIS IS FUCKING ORGASMICCCCCCCCCC HAHAHAHA.

I fucking love the RFAD soundtrack. ORGASMICKKKKKKKK AHHHHH.

Sick Boy.

I'm falling sick.

Never alternate between smoking Dunhill menthol and Limos lights. Now my throat's fucked urgh.

I'm missing something here. It's like I'm incomplete. It doesn't make sense to be alive. There's no focus, no direction. Why?

So frustrating.

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh and did I mention how much I love tagboard.com fucking up?

Oh yeah.

proplanproplanproplan.

Eats, shoots, and leaves.

That's the title of a book about the english grammar, but incidentally it also sums up my day.

Yes, I've been doing productions for the past few days, either that or I've just been too bloody lazy to blog. There's hardly any motivation anymore, especially since I don't really know who's reading this crap and when it can be used against me.

We find it hard to open ourselves to others but we think nothing of spilling our guts on the internet where just about anyone can read it.

We're a fucked up bunch.

I wish I wasn't human. I wish I was an eagle, able to rise above it all. Estranged from the world, isolated in the skies, diving down to earth only to claim a victim. And the mating flight, my God, I've only ever seen it on National Geographic but I swear, it's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see.

If not an eagle, then at least an owl. Night's the favourite part of my day and I would love to be nocturnal by nature. An owl once perched on my arm (I was at the zoo, whadya expect?), and the majesty of the fucking thing was sooo uhm, majestical (for lack of a better word).

Cherie just caused me to have an epiphany, if it was mandatory to have a point in asking others questions, the world would be a pretty silent place to be in. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, or at least I don't find it so. Why can't people just shut the fuck up and listen? Ahh I know, because we're all human and we're selfish and narcissistic, which is why we should all go to hell.

auralorgasm:: And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead - Another Morning Stoner

I like this song.

I hereby promise myself, that one day when all this shite is behind me, I shall do something really fun. Yes.

I haven't been taking photos in a very long time. No time and no motivation and no strength. Sigh. I think I'm gonna borrow a manual SLR these holidays from someone and just go ashooting. Hahaha. I know the perfect place. Yessss.

If I told you that there was this place in Singapore where man-made objects and nature co-exist peacefully, would you believe me? If I said that, I know where this place is located and that I could bring you there if you wanted me to, would you come with me? If I said that, we could sit there and waste our lives away, just looking at the serenity around us, would you waste your life with me?

I guess not.

Downed a Glass of Suicide Today.

I don't feel like myself. I feel as if my heart is being pulled down. I can't breathe properly. I feel like puking. I feel like screaming. I feel like doing all the things I'm not supposed to do. I feel like throwing everything away. I feel ugly. I feel like I've lost everything and that nothing can ever be regained. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the spiral again. I feel like locking myself in my room and never coming out again. I feel vulnerable and scared. I feel lost. I feel confused. I feel depressed. I feel suicidal. I feel like hitting something, or someone. I feel as if I shouldn't be saying all these.

I don't feel like myself.

auralorgasm:: Thursday - Jet Black New Year.

Have we lost everything now/
Walking like each other's ghosts around these silent streets/
The sedatives tell you everything is alright/

I feel oppressed and two-dimensional. I feel betrayed. I feel scorned. I feel neglected. I feel stupid. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling.

I feel that feel is a weird word to look at.

I really don't feel like myself.

I really don't feel like me.

I'm not me.

Conforming sucks.

Introduction to Ms Shitsucker.

I have so much rage and hatred seething and boiling inside me now that I could just explode anytime.

To put it in a nutshell, the pompous, self-righteous, narrow-minded fool we know as Ms -name witheld so as to prevent me from getting sued- (I dunno whether it's Ms or Mrs but I'm assuming it's Ms coz due to her ugliness and stupidity, no one could possibly live with her unless of course, he himself is also a shitsucking motherfucker who believes whatever the gah'men tells him, in which case, they can both continue to suck shit and eat cock.) also known as the admin officer (or by some other worthless title), has kicked up a huge fuss over my hair and informed my department's discipline person to get me to cut my hair. In turn, the department's discipline person, who shall not be named, have gotten my lecturers to convince me to cut my hair. If I don't, all sorts of horrid things will happen to me.

Frankly, I'm quite prepared to fight if not for the one lecturer we know as uhm, the film director-turned-lecturer who used to have long hair. He told me that life is always a compromise and that even though they can force me to conform on the outside, they can never force me to conform on the inside (not the exact words but something like that), and that even if my hair was cut, it still wouldn't change the way I think but that I could avoid a hell lot of trouble. Also, I might get the other long-haired guys in FMS in deep shit coz if I fight back, NgeefuckingAnn might force the discipline person to crack down on everyone.

Dear Ms Admin Gah'men's Bitch,
I am not a fucking statistic. I'm an unique individual and I deeply resent you interfering with the way I choose to live my life. Having long hair does not 1)affect my grades in any way, 2) inconvenience anyone, or 3) affect anyone's health adversly. Spoiling the school's image my arse. Ugly people also spoil school image. Why not force them to go for fucking plastic surgery? Improve school's image what. In fact, Ngee Ann will be known as the school of beautiful people, won't that improve the school's image more?

Fuck that shit. Substance is from the inside. I don't need to look beautiful or cut my hair to show people that I am of good character. I know plenty of bastards with short hair. Wait, most of the bastards I know have short hair. Most of the longhaired guys I know are beautiful on the inside. So what if I have long hair? Does that make me a hooligan? Fuck that, most of the ahbengs now have short hair. Short hair styled with Gatsby hairwax that is.

You are the most INSIPID person I've ever met and that's saying a lot, since I almost never use that word. You wasted your life on trying to get to the top but yet you're stuck in the middle of the foodchain. Oh fuck you. You don't deserve respect from me because I consider you a mindless automaton. The only thing you deserve is death because honestly, you're just taking up space and air and food which the starving children in Somalia need badly. Go kill yourself and let your rotting carcass fertilise the soil so that crops can be grown to feed the famine victims. You'll help the world more that way.

Yours ever-so-bloody-sincerely,
Jvlz.

P.S: Go fuck yourself.

YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME CONFORM. MY HAIR WILL GROW AGAIN, NEXT TIME LONGER THAN BEFORE, MY SHOES WILL GROW EVER HOLIER, MY CLOTHES EVER MORE FADED, AND MY ATTITUDE EVER MORE FUCKED UP. I WILL NEVER BE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU.

I am convinced that Singaporeans are retarded pieces of fuckshits.

Don't agree with me so fast coz you're also Singaporean. If you're not, then I'm telling you that we Singaporeans are prone to following rules blindly. Well, most of us anyway.

Shall be cutting my hair tomorrow. Gahh. I feel so bloody helpless when it comes to this. I haven't cut my hair in close to 2 years so I dunno where to go. Shite. Hmmm.

The world doesn't owe me anything, I know that. But I don't owe the world anything too.

In other news, The Model Lipstiques will be playing Stasis at Substation on 2nd January 2005. I'll be drumming for them. It's such a waste that my Hello is screwed up so I can't post their picture up. It's gonna be a good gig since A Vacant Affair's also playing. Fun for all, I'm looking forward to performing again.

The search for musicmakers isn't over yet. I'm still looking for violinists, keyboardists and DJs to do some experimental shite so contact me asap if you're interested.

Stand up for what you believe in.

hXc.

Disclaimer: Do not attempt to read if you're easily offended. In which case, just click here. Thanks.

Heavy Metal Jeng Jeng Jeng.

Yessssss. I finished up about half my proplan already wooohooo. Okay now I can take a break while figuring out which film to do a thesis paper on. Sian ah.

But I still love school. I can't imagine doing anything else other than FSV. The only other thing I can profess love for is anything to do with biology. I just love knowing how organic stuff works. Man, now that is interesting.

Jammed with Marcus and gang just now. Initially I was scared that I would be really rusty since I haven't drummed in ages, but thankfully, everything turned out fine. Gotta oil my engine more often. Hmmm, that sounded sick.

I think I'm starting to become more like myself 3 years ago. More giving and more magnanimous, as opposed to the present short-tempered, petty me. That's good. Must be the company (or lack of) that's causing the change. It's not a big change, its a gradual one but I think it shows promise. I feel optimistic. And that's really saying something.

I can still bite one's head off though, so don't fuck around with me.

I've gotta learn to let go of some stuff. It's hard, bordering close to impossible but yet, it's the only way to go. I've got to get over that sense of betrayal if not it's gonna fuck me up and I'm gonna spend sleepless nights brooding over it.

Sometimes it just feels as if the entire world is collapsing around me but yet, I stand calm and composed in the middle of the chaos. It's not that I'm unaffected, it's just that I can't find the motivation to be bothered by it all. I know this contradicts the above paragraph but fuck it, it's not as if I want people to understand me. I've learnt that no matter how long people can claim they know me, they still won't understand me. It's not that I'm difficult to understand, you just have to try a little harder with me than with most people.

Sigh.

But I'm climbing the spiral, slowly but surely.

:)

Black China.

Just got back from China Black. All I can say is, whoa.

I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself so much in the midst of so many people. Free entry, free drinks, ahhhh. I guess you just have to go with the right people haha.

It's been a lovely night, and what better music than Sigur Ros' Myrkur to top it all off? Sigh, it's been lovely.

But it's time to get back to the daily grind of Proplan, Docpro, Multitrack and Film Theory. Fuck.

But I swear I've never enjoyed myself so much. I won't mind doing it again heh heh heh.

auralorgasm:: Sigur Ros - Myrkur (if you don't have it, get me to send it to you. Only FRIENDS mind you. The others can just fuck off. Fuckin poseur shites.)

I'm happy.

Or maybe it's just the alcohol talking.

The Road.

He sits by the side of the kerb, his arms hugging his knees and his head down. Raising the Marlboro cigarette he holds between the middle and index fingers of his right hand to his lips, he drags the smoke into his lungs with relish. And as the smoke burns its way down the tar-stained passage of his throat, he could almost feel the weight upon his shoulders being burnt away.

He raises his head to the nightsky and blows the smoke outwards in one continuous stream. The light from the street lamps filters through the smoke, turning gray to yellow. He watches as the smoke dissipates into the air, spreading itself thinner and thinner until it's finally gone.

He takes one last drag at the fag, hoping that this one will have the same effect as the last one did. He chokes on the harsh smoke and coughs; the filter has been burnt, letting loose a thousand ants to attack the back of his throat. Flicking the butt away in disgust, he stretches himself out and lies back on the concrete pavement, the grit poking through the thin material of his shirt and causing some discomfort. Shifting about until he reaches a compromise with the ground, he looks up into the dark blue hue of the sky and tries to relax the tensed muscles in his body.

"Counting stars have never been so difficult," he thinks to himself as he scans the darkness for a trace of glimmer.

Then the driver of an oncoming car lost control of the vehicle vehicle, ran over him, and he died with his face smashed in.

Moral of the story: Never sleep at the side of the road even though you might think you're out of harm's way.

Bloodrock.

auralorgasm:: Nine Inch Nails - Reptile

Bad luck strikes again. The Bangbus broke down in the middle of the expressway yesterday. Engine overheated. Put in a bit of water (coz that was all we had), travel to the nearest Shell station, and the stupid thing broke down right at the fucking entrance. We had to push it up to the side of the station coz the attendant was bloody bitching at us to move it. According to him, if the van remained where it was, there won't be any space for the vehicles to come in which is total bollocks because while we were talking, two cars just drove past us. Cheebye. When we finally go the van going again, it was vibrating like crazy. But no choice had to get home. After sending Ryan to town and Andrew home, I proceeded on my way and when I reached the road leading to my place, the fucking thing broke down again.

Now it's in repair and I won't get to use it till next week. Fuck.

Ah boring.

Nothing much is happening nowadays. Life's so slow. I'm supposed to be like damn stress for school but I'm feeling relaxed. Die ah.

Lazy to blog. What for tell you guys what I'm thinking. Blogging's a pretty stupid idea actually.

I think I'll start blogging privately.

23rd August 2004.

Betrayal.

I will never forget this date.

Okay keeping a blog is stupid. What for tell everyone what I'm thinking. It makes me so easily predictable.

I think I gonna put password soon.

Fatigue.

This is so fucked up. Finally I'm using my laptop and I discover that although now I can post pictures up, all my pictures are in my other computer. Grrr.

I just finished that preparing for my presentation. Now I'm drained.

Blogs are just so bloody boring nowadays.

This post is seriously meaningless. I think I shall go to bed.

Yah I think I shall.

Good night.

De-loused in the Comatorium.

I suddenly have this urge to drop everything and run away.

Must be the preparation for the Film Theory presentation that's doing this to me.

Fuck ah. I don't want to do anymore of this bullcrap. Pretentious film theorists writing longwinded essays about sound in film, urgh.

I think it's time to cut my hair short so that I will be able to use Gatsby hairwax to style it. I think it's time for me to replace my battered shoes with Nike kicks or dunks. I think it's time to get new clothes, to replace my old, faded and holey shirts with street labels such as X-Large, Obey and Von Dutch. I think it's time to get a pair of Levi's jeans. I think it's time to get myself a trucker cap. I think I would like to be stereotyped as being a trendy wanker. I think I would love being a clone.

Oh oh, and a tote bag! Never forget the faggoty looking tote bag that's gonna be slung over my shoulder in that oh-so-faggotish way.

Hell, I might as well put on make up, why not?

Because I'm Julius and I believe in individualism.

Run with the herd my foot. I'm going solo.

A Girl Called Kill.

auralorgasm:: Sigur Ros - Myrkur

I feel like such a whore, loving so many pieces of music at one time. But it's fun.

Advertisement:
Looking for violinist, pianist/keyboardist/synthesizer guy, DJ, digital music motherfuck to form an experimental band. Contact me if interested.

Or if you're an exceptionally hot female of the human species, also can contact me.

Okay done.

Mars Volta.

auralorgasm:: Mars Volta - Roulette Dares.

Yowweeeeeeee. I like Mars Volta. Can't believe I used to hate their music. Hahaha.

Stupid me.

This is just a quick post before I go off.

Don't you just get bloody irritated reading a person's blog and he/she uses hugeass words over and over again. It won't be so bad if it weren't the same words but yeah SAME BLOODY FUCKING WORDS.

Yes we know your vocabulary is limited so quit showing off already.

Eh what am I saying. I also use the same words over and over again. Words like 'kanina', 'lanjiao', 'wah lao' and 'cheebye'.

Stupid post.

Halfpower.

This is depressing. I tried to work out a crew list for my specialist in third year and guess what, I couldn't do it. I only managed to get a few names down and even then, those are the people that can't work together. Damn it. I'm fucked.

Vien's housewarnming tomorrow at 10, proplan project at 1. Come back home, continue with my film theory presentation. Then must continue with Proplan portfolio. Then must do this and that. Lanjiao lah.

Watched Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life just now for fun. Hahaha the stuff they come up with in Hollywood is fucking hilarious. Cutting yourself to attract sharks and punching them in the nose just to hitch a ride to the surface of the sea. But the concept of the guardians were cool. I liked that. The black acid part too. The animation sucked though. So much for big budget movies heh.

I wanna watch The Terminal. Anybody? Open Water's another film I wanna catch, since it's shot on DV and cost only US$130,000. It's more of a suspense thing than a gore thing. Oh and I wanna watch Anacondas: The Hunt for Blood Orchid too as a part of my 'stupid film watching' spree.

In other news, people at school are becoming weird. The people whom I have issues with are acting as if they are declaring a truce. I'm feeling a bit wary but that's only to be expected. Nevertheless, I'm willing to bury the hatchet, it's no trouble to me at all. But only if you want to. Yeah I know you're reading this so remember, only if you wanna.

I really gotta learn how to forgive readily. The forgiving part is hard enough, the forgetting part is impossible. Fuck. Stupid character trait. Doh. I think one huge problem with me is that I treat every day that I'm alive as a battle. Okay so that's not a problem, or is it? Gahhh, so much for peace and love.

I'll be working on my concept band really soon. Haha can't wait for it. I know this one guy whom I think will be interested so instead of a DJ, I'll have a bugger with a laptop with weirdass programs running. Cool.

I'm getting into Mars Volta. Omg musical taste running wild. Weeee. Trying out more experimental and more indie stuff. Anyone who has anything to recommend just msn or sms me. Don't want people to find out what I'm up to. /me looks all shift-eyed.

Come this Tuesday and I won't be driving the bangbus to school anymore except on occasions whereby I'm late or on occasions whereby I just feel like driving. Okay scrap the latter, I always feel like driving heh.

This post doesn't exist.

In Love and Fuckship.

auralorgasm:: Further Seems Forever - Light Up Ahead

DIE AH REALLY CANNOT RESIST.

FUCK.

OKAY CANNOT BUY. I GOT NO MONEY. NO BUDGET.

DOWN BOY DOWN.

Okay if anyone wants me to be grateful to them, this is the moment! BUY ME FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER'S HIDE NOTHING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. I swear I'll be forever indebted to you, for about 5 minutes.

Had another run of bad luck today. Dropped my discman on the floor and now it's spoilt. Fuck. My precious, destroyed.

AHHHHHHHH. Now I've got to send it for repairs. WHERE GOT TIME?!?!

I have to face my greatest fear soon. I can't avoid doing the portfolio for proplan and the deadline's coming up soon. Double-fuck.

But I have been noticing many, many, many attractive females of late. Many fucks!

In other news, I'm starting to abhor Singapore Idol. Fucking popstar wannabes. Go write your own original pieces, produce it either electronically or instrumentally i.e band, and get famous that way. You call joining a competition working hard? HAH. I laugh at you.

Heard Greenday's American Idiot being played just now on radio. Realised that yeah, you can never go back. Old Greenday will always be old Greenday. Things were much better before Warning. Good on them on trying to return to their old stuff but sorry, it didn't work. Sian ah.

Blogs are meant to be written in, so go write. Don't keep an empty blog coz it's a sin not to write. It's one thing not to write because you're busy but it's quite another to keep a blog that's never updated just because you think it's cool to own a blog because everyone else owns one. Stupid fucking trendy wanker.

Okay I'm stupid.

P.S: I really wonder when will I stop this self-abusement. Hmmm. Okay, I got the answer, probably never.

Time wounds all heals.

I like this phrase. Got it from Jen who got it from a movie of which she can't remember the title. Oh well.

Cheggit:

'Once, there was a way- ward child who had neither talents nor looks. He had no dick either so he was called boy only theoretically.
He could not speak since he had no guts. He didn't have an eye either (wait r those slanty things what u called eyes?).
He had neither legs nor arms( too skinny, can't see. The yellowish skin also made them looked suspiciously artificial). He had no stomach, no back, no spine, and he had no insides whatsoever. He had nothing at all!( yeah not even fren. father and mother) Therefore, it's not clear who we are actually talking about.
In fact, we would rather not talk about him any more.'

- Adi

Got it off Adi's blog. It's a really nice post so I thought I'll let you guys see it.

Uh-oh. This is a totally rip-off entry. Darn. Not original anymore. Ah fuck it.

auralorgasm:: Further Seems Forever - Light Up Ahead.

K anyway, Further Seems Forever's new album is reallyyyyyy good. Don't check it out please, coz I want to be the only one listening to them and then I can proclaim myself cool again. Hur hur hur. Sneaky fella. Anyone wanna donate to the 'Buy Jvlz the FSF album' fund? You'll be doing a good deed, guaranteed. Scrap the 'Buy Jvlz a new pair of shoes' fund because I won't change my shoes, not until it's like unsalvageable heh. It's my personal statement against people with nice shoes and no personality. HINT.

Okay I dunno who I'm hinting but yah HINT anyway.

Just saw a kickass music vid from Liam Lynch. Damn nice. Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever. Cool people go download the video. Act cool people please ignore this paragraph.

I'm glad we got that sorted out.

I just realised things aren't really that bad. Other than proplan, I'm still okay with the rest of my subjects. Hahaha. But I think Cs are inevitable this sem. I've gotta sleep earlier though. I've overslept for 2 days in a row already. Missed Financial Planning (which I don't give a flying fuck about) and Multitrack lecture. Damn it.

Okay anyway I can officially drive 6 people around so I'm thinking of a car pool in the morning. You guys can help pay for my petrol. This is for anyone that is school in Ngee Ann and lives somewhere near Potong Pasir. Heh heh heh. Sneaky fella x2.

I'm really bored so I shall continue typing like forever and ever.

Amen.

The The.

auralorgasm:: The Format - Tie the Rope.

Why ah, all the bands that started with the word 'The' in front of their names all so power?! Kanina cheebye.

The Used, The Format, The Gamits, The Jvlz.

Heh heh heh.

Typing this before I have to leave for school. It's a nasty morning so far. The incense smoke from the altar behind me is making it pretty hard for me to breathe. Alamak.

Glassjaw, I liiiiiiiiiike.

I've been experiencing a total revival in my interest in music. Wow. I liiiiiiiiiiiike. Also been watching damn good films of late, films like The Pianist, Requiem for a Dream, and a french one starring the one and only Audrey Tautou, He loves me, he loves me not. Hur hur hur. Happy only basket.

But everything is still a fucking waste of time when you are me and you look right to the end and all you see is your death looming over you.

I see my own headstone.

I must admit, I've been having this really fucked up feeling. It feels as if I don't have much time left anymore, that I have to cherish what I have now or lose it forever. Kind of explains my renewed interest in music and films though. It really sucks when you know you're gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it. Hah. What am I saying.

You know you are gonna die and you can't do shit about it.

/me smiles.

Sing for Absolution.

I long for resolution.

How long more till this sem is over?

God, give me the strength to hang on.

In other news, I need something to occupy myself with. I'm feeling empty. Gahhh. Top-up time!

Watched Requiem for a Dream today. Fan-fucking-tastic film. Sort of got me thinking about the violin + piano + DJ piece I'm gonna do some day.

auralorgasm:: Heaven Shall Burn - Echoes (Intro)

P.S: Tag-board sucks cock.