Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Alien vs Predator.

Fucking good show. You should all go watch it if you haven't already. It's so stupid that it's entertaining.

Paul W.S. Anderson, I shall be looking out for your future films -snickers-

I've got hit over the cranium by an idea for a script just now before watching AvP. Hopefully I'll be able to shoot it next sem during Film Pro. I think I'll be typing it out in script form the next time I get my motivation hur hur hur.

Just read my previous post and I realised it was damn bengish english type. Nevertheless, I shall continue to type like that because I like it. So fuck off you irritating grammar gurus.

You know ah...

Monday, August 30, 2004


Haven't been blogging much these days coz of WOMAD.

Helped out and did seriously shit jobs gahh. Carry stuff until I nearly broke my back. Never try carrying a 100 metre cable. Fucking can die. Speaker also big like one kind. Wah lao eh.

But the acts were pretty cool. DaraaJ, a hiphop outfit from Senegal featuring 3 HUGE black men and a DJ were really damn good. I never thought I would like hiphop but hey they were really good. I liked Wicked Aura Batucada, or at least until I realised they stole the crew's beer for themselves and their friends. Kanina. Stupid shits. But they were pretty happening haha. I was damn happy when they played. Drum revolution to the maxxx. Shiok! Now I can't stand the tabla. Fucking every single act got tabla kanina.

If my sentences are fragmented, it's because I'm just too lazy to type properly. Poetry class today really fucked up my writing. Hur hur hur. But it's fun. At least we're over the drama part. I'll take the poetry part any day heh.

Within 2 months I got fined 120 bucks. 80 bucks for parking illegally and 40 bucks for long hair in school. Whaddahell. Ah fuck it ah. I think to me money damn not important already. Not to say that I don't like it, it's just that it's not a priority for me. But I know why I kena bad luck. Must be because Jupiter is too close to Mercury so that it's blocking Venus which in turn is reflecting the light from the Sun towards Neptune.

Ha ha ha. I so funny.

Okay shut up. Laugh for what. Funny meh? Damn fucking lame.

Go away.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

The Days I Remember Being Wonderful.

auralorgasm:: Last Days of April - Piano

I love music. Ahhhh. I'm finally entering the slow music phase, when LDoA and DCFC and other such bands start to turn me on. Oh man. Hahaha. Getting older heh. I'm starting to like jazz too. Not those trumpet jazz, those relac kind. Wah damn shiok.

I'm feeling ridiculously carefree and happy. Which is kind of like a stupid state to be in right now. Hahahaha don't care. Must be the music. Ohhhh man I love music. I'm in bliss. Ahhh.

Never mind that I can't post pictures up because my computer is lagging, never mind that I've got my film theory presentation to do and I don't understand anything the essay I'm supposed to present on is saying, never mind all that crap. Now all I need is a smoke. Life is so simple like this. I really dunno how to describe. Omggggggg.

Btw this pissed me off just 10 minutes ago:


(YOUR NAME HERE) stretches out his hand into the darkness…the trees seem to grow
and tower above him. He realizes he is not alone.
casting call for thriller
short film


1. Sharon – mid to late twenties Chinese female

2. Annie – early to mid twenties Chinese female

3. Janet – mid to late twenties Chinese female

4. Jeremy – mid to late twenties Chinese male

5. Little Sharon – Chinese girl aged 10 to 12

6. Little Annie – Chinese girl aged 8 to 10

7. Little Janet – Chinese girl aged 10 to 12

8. Little Jeremy – Chinese boy aged 10 to 12

"Autumn Leaves" (working title) is to be film entirely on location in the great

Shooting dates: 10 – 13 Sept 2004

Transportation, free-flow of refreshments, and meals will be provided on

For a filmmaking adventure and unique experience, call Eugene (Producer) at 9688
3504 or Jessica (Director) at 9386 5546.

1st Audition date is 26 Aug 2004.

We are from the Ngee Ann Polytechnic's Advanced Diploma in Film Production. The
ADFP, unlike other student programmes, is a professional diploma programme. You
will thus find that the students of this course are mature adults (ages from
20's - 30's). Hence, our level of commitment, professionalism and dedication to
our craft (filmmaking) is very different from that found in other student film

Who the fuck do the ADFP students think they are? What do they mean by they having more commitment, more professionalism and shit towards film-making unlike other student production teams? Stupid dicks. So what? Only mature adults can be dedicated to their craft? Fucking immature dickheads. Whaddafuck.

Ah fuck it. I'm feeling high.

auralorgasm:: Deathcab for Cutie - The New Year

Hee hee hee.

Stroke of (bad) luck.

auralorgasm:: The Model Lipstiques - Polka Dotted Revenge.

I swear I'll never go back to TNT studios again. So unprofessional tsk. Even if it is a budget recording, the sound engineer in charge should at least be a bit more skilled. Punching in drums also cannot. Wah liew. Can die.

But not bad ah for a song done in an hour hahaha.

Random thoughts off the top of my head:
Been having a streak of bad luck lately. Hmpf. It gets worse as you grow older. Die ah like that, how to survive?

I'm becoming paranoid about not living past 40. Must be the anti-smoking campaign. Die ah like that.

I've been skiving again. Die ah like that.

In other news, isn't it aggravating when a band you consider especially special to you becomes damn pop and the next thing you know, everyone's using their lyrics as msn nicks? Fucking cannot tahan. It takes the pleasure away from listening to their music. I think Wan would know what I mean. Fuck ah why can't they all just go find their own favourite band and leave mine to be my favourite? Fucking hell. Irritating.

Especially when you were the first one to like the band.

Ah I don't suppose you fucktards will understand. Don't try. Only Wan steady. The rest of you go fuck spider. Which reminds me, not only Wan, still got the Spider Queen and one or two more only. The rest of you don't fuck spider, go fuck wall better.

Die ah like that.


Okay no one had better put DCFC's lyrics as their msn nick. If not I'll go all monkey on you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


I finally got caught for having long hair in school.

I'm lazy to type out the whole story here but to cut it short, I got fined 40 bucks for my hair. Quite stupid really. I would have escaped if I kept my mouth shut and just said okay all the way but unfortunately, being me I just had to own the ass of the discipline officer. Stupid pompous bitch. It felt really good taking you down.

Kinda worth the 40 bucks no?


Monday, August 23, 2004


My computer's fucking lagging. Gahh. Stupid piece of junk. It's lagging so much that when I do a virus scan, after 10 minutes, it's just finished scanning 4 files.

Whaddafuck. I'm awake at 7am and complaining about computer-related problems. Wooohoo. Helloooooo Geekdom!

Anyway I'm can't post pictures up coz of this stupid problem. Not that I want to. Some things are just not worth the trouble. I'll see how it goes later in the day. Gottagetmysleepgottagetmysleep.

Hur hur hur. -drools-

I hope you fucking die. Stupid motherfucker.

Saturday, August 21, 2004


I'm not whining. I'm stating facts. Some people do hate me and I know it. I know who they are. I can post their names up here if I want to.

I didn't leave you stranded. You could have gone home yourself. You're not a 12 year old. You're 19. What if I didn't drive? I already said it once, I'm not your fucking chauffeur, don't treat me like one. This just proves my point.

I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate all of you.

You have no idea what's going on in my life, don't just fucking assume that I'm fucked up just because of you guys.

When I say I've lost everything, I didn't mean the friendships that I had with you people. Don't bloody assume that. I have things going on that will make you fucking cry if you even had to experience it. Just because I don't fucking talk about it doesn't mean that I'm alright.

If there's anyone who can get on with life, that's me. I don't need you to tell me that. I know that I'll be able to rise above all these trivialities and make it on my own. I know, I'm used to doing it.

You people never did care. Too fucking self-absorbed in girls, clothes, fashion, clubbing to even notice what's going on with me.

Yes and if you're gonna complain that this is just one big 'me-fest', this is my blog. Mine. Not yours, not whoevers. It's mine. I've got the right to write down whatever I want.

I do not whine. I state.

It's simple to understand isn't it? I don't require anybody to be here with me at all. I can make it on my own. You guys can go fuck donkey dicks, I don't care. I've been disappointed once too many times. I thought I had seen the last of conversations of this sort a few weeks ago. Turns out that I was wrong. This time it's not me, it's you.

Do what you want. Really. This is the last entry that I'm gonna post about this. Don't fucking bother me anymore. My head hurts just thinking about this.

Btw, what did I do wrong that I need to be forgiven for? Who ought to forgive who? I explained the reason why I scolded Dom. You all told me you understood. Simple. I told Weiliang to not treat me like a chauffeur. He said okay. Done deal. Then why the fuck must everyone treat it as if I was the one in the wrong?

I didn't fucking bring the whole issue back up again. If anything, Dom was the one screaming and shouting. I couldn't take it. I left. You weren't there. You wouldn't know.


Don't fucking bother me ever again. I'm sick of all of you. You say you're into misanthropy? Better still. You should know how I'm feeling with you and the rest right now.

So just leave me the fuck alone.

In case you don't get it, I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

Friday, August 20, 2004


You can never lose what you didn't have in the first place. But somehow, I feel as if I've lost everything.

Who am I to you? Who am I to myself? I knew this was coming. I knew one day I would be back where I started. I've lost what's most important to me. Who the fuck am I? I say this not in anger or bitterness, but in resignation.

I admit I'm probably the most fucked up person you'll ever meet. I'm unreasonable, short-tempered, petty, touchy, selfish, self-indulgent and I don't seem to care for anyone.

I want people to beat the fuck out of me. I want to beat the fuck out of people. God grant me this: I want a physical outlet for my frustrations and inner hate. I want to fucking shoot myself in the head. I don't want to be me.

All I really want is just one good gig. One fucking good gig for me to just let go of myself, just drown myself in the music. Either that or one good fight. Just one is enough. I crave the pain.

I think I'm better off alone. No friends, no relationships, no family and no band. I may not be necessarily happier, but at least I won't be pissing so many people off.

There was always this underlying layer of hatred and contempt for me beneath all this talk of friendship and brotherhood and whatnot, wasn't there? I could feel it in the way you look at me, in the way you talk to me. Forget the pretense, it's just a waste of energy on your part.

You'll love to see me fail. You'll love to see me fall. Guess what, this is the process of falling. Soon I'll smash into the ground. Are you happy to see me like this?

Although I wish very much that someone would be there to catch me if I ever should fall, I know that no one would. 6 billion people in the world. Why should anyone bother about me? I'm just one out of many. Don't even dare say you'll be there, any of you. You have never proved it and I doubt you ever will. Not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, and definitely not you.

Why the fuck are you reading this in the first place? Did you already know that I would blog about this? Hah of course. I'm sure you would know. That was a pretty stupid question. Do you like what you read? Of course you do. You had a part to play in this. Of course you would want the satisfaction of seeing me like this.

I never wanted it to be this way. I never wanted me to be this way. Have I been running away all my life?

I'm an individual. I will never be one of you. Pariah. Outcast. Beggar - I take what I can get. Don't bother hating me, I hate myself more than any of you could ever hate me. I'm better off alone. Leave me be. I'm sick of all these pretense. I never existed. Treat me as if I never existed. You'll feel better and so will I. I'm no more your drummer than I am your friend.

Goodbye. It hasn't been nice knowing you but at least we wasted my time.

P.S: The word 'you' applies to any that reads this. Don't be so stupid as to apply it to only yourself. But I really don't care even if you do.


Thursday, August 19, 2004

I hate Denise.

Fuck. This is the third pair of socks I've ripped a hole in at the big toe area. Now my toe can be seen through the hole in my shoe AGAIN.

I give up on buying socks.

I think I'll be better off spending the money on cigarettes.

Smoking makes you stupid. Don't smoke. I was already stupid to start with so it doesn't really matter in my case.

Den's stupid drawing of me and Bangbus.

Meet Deathcab and Bangbus.

I think I'm going crazy. I'm naming my Nissan Sunny, Deathcab and my van, the Bangbus. Hur hur hur. I'm such a retard.

Me and Deathcab.

Me and Bangbus.

Pictures taken courtesy of Weiliang. By the way, don't bother clicking on that link. He rarely updates (insert hint here) and I'm just linking him to be polite. He's the idiot on the left in the picture below.

Anyway to clarify my previous post, I just learnt today that Finch and Disturbed had a brawl onstage. Apparently, Randy Strohmeyer (guitarist of Finch) made some disparaging comment about David Draiman (vox of Disturbed) and Disturbed which involved shooting Draiman in the head and ripping off his piercings coz he thinks that it's 'fucking cheesy' 2 years ago. To a magazine somemore. Stupid like one kind. Obviously Disturbed didn't find it funny. So like 2 Saturdays ago, when Finch and Disturbed were supposed to play the same gig, Dan Donegan (guitarist of Disturbed) confronted Finch members and they started going at each other onstage. Mind you, Finch and their crew against just Draiman, Donegan and their manager ain't a joke. Security managed to separate them and Finch continued playing their set.

Okay here's the best part.

After Finch finished playing, they went backstage and guess who they found waiting for them. Disturbed + Sevendust + all their roadies who they managed to rally. I dunno what happened after that coz I forgot. Anyway it's not important coz it's fucking funny to see two international band acts fighting with each other HAHAHA. Emo vs metal. Metal wins. Muahahaha.

Okay stop.

Random stuff off the top of my head:
-Tagboard sucks. I want to get a new box thingamajig but I dunno which one's the best.
-This stupid script idea has been floating around in my head for a fucking long time already and I've yet to write it down. Fuck.
-I need to learn to play around with more camera angles. I think what I lack is confidence in my photography. I think I suck at photography. Fuck. GOTTA IMPROVEEEEE.
-I like my band.
-I dig girls.
-I dig girls.
-I dig girls.
-I dig girls.
-I dig girls.
-I still dig girls.

Females are a necessary evil. Just like cigarettes and alcohol and teh peng. Seriously can't imagine what my life would be like without females, cigarettes, alcohol and teh peng. No, I'm not in love with anybody. I just feel that I've got to say it. No, I'm not horny either. I'm a guy. I'm just following my instincts.

Okay I talking nonsense again.


Taken by me. Weiliang on the left, Dom aka Chao Botak on the right.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Finch sucks cock. Disturbed is forever.

Finch vs Disturbed. Disturbed wins.

Post more later.

Taken from the Crucified Being. HAHAHAHA.

Just a little pride will do.

Have you ever cooked a meal for yourself, put it on the table, look at it and go, 'wow I did that?' And you don't feel like eating it although you're hungry. Never mind that it's just instant noodles and Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

Okay maybe it's just me.


Red is the new black.

How to piss me off, Part 1.

Keep messaging me stupid mindless questions which you expect me to answer almost every day.

If you really want to know then fine I'll tell you.

My day is always fucked, I am always feeling fucked, most probably I don't like you (and never will) and you'll be better off wasting your time on someone else because I sure don't appreciate all this attention.

You don't have to 'try to make me feel better' almost everytime I say I'm feeling fucked because I'll NEVER feel better. You can NEVER make me feel better. NEVER TRY TO COUNSEL ME. If I want to tell someone my problems, I'll go to the people that know me well (read: Poff and a few other individuals). I don't share my problems with people I hardly know. Hah, as it is I hardly talk about my problems, only when I'm feeling really down.

You will NEVER understand me. You will NEVER 'know me well enough'. You will NEVER get any closer than this. You will NEVER play a part in my life.

Just leave me alone.

One more thing, if you think it's you that's being mentioned in this entry, NEVER ask me about it because I'll think you all the more stupid for even asking.


Yah I'm an asshole. Duh.

Spiral into Nevaeh.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004


Still addicted to deathcab heh.

In other news, we cut dom's hair last night so now he's bald. He looks a bit like a cannot-make-it Billy Corgan. Haha.

I'm feeling better now that it's the holidays and because I know what I'm supposed to do for homework and shit. Hur. Online journal. Oh yah, that. Except for that.

I'm supposed to be in school now for stupid financial planning meeting but I'm at home. Hahaha. So irresponsible. Tsk.



A stick in the mud.

Sunday, August 15, 2004


What the fuck makes you think you're so fucking special? What makes you think that you're better than the rest of us? Maybe you're wrong. Maybe you're the lowest being in the foodchain and that your days on earth are numbered.

I hate you. I hate you for who you are and for who you try to be. You're a failure and a loser. You should never have been allowed to exist in the first place. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. I fucking HATE YOU.

And all that you are is just the reflection in my dinner spoon.


Regrets that last a lifetime.

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all/
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide/
Lying awake at night/
Up all night/
When i'm lying awake at night/

Deathcab for Cutie - Title and Registration

I'm sorry about how I treated you. You deserved much better. I was wrong, you were right. The only thing you did wrong was choosing me.

This is the moment that you know
That you told you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark

And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite I gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did I that day

All I see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

Deathcab for Cutie - Tiny Vessels

Deathcab's my newest drug.

Adrift. Forgive the fucked lighting. I took this in a rush.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Hammer down the last nail on the coffin lid.

I've got a feeling that I'm burying myself alive. Am I taking on more than I can handle? Or am I taking on less than what I'm actually capable of doing?

Ultimately the greatest disappointment is not when you do not live up to what others expect of you but when you do not live up to what you expect of yourself.

I can taste it; the failure, the disappointment and the dissonance.

It's bittersweet with a hint of rotten.

The last nail in the coffin.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

A picture is worth a thousand words.

I dunno about you guys but this one speaks to me.

I'm so tired.

I'm going to bed.


Monday, August 09, 2004

How to exorcise inner demons part 1.

I want to feel your soft lips against mine. Your body pressed against me as we lie entangled together in naked bliss. And...


The stupidest thing I've ever done. Okay fine not quite. But still dumb enough.

I refilled the compartment meant for blue ink in my printer ink cartridge with red ink and vice versa. Gah. I found that out when I printed my placement letter just now. Now the Ngee Ann logo on my placement letter looks funky.


In other news, me and my group went for location reccee today. Despite bitter disappointments caused by not having found our primary subjects (homeless people, street performers, coffin makers, chinese sinsehs, and tailors; they all either didn't want to be on cam or we couldn't find them e.g homeless person), we didn't give up and we made our way to a certain temple in loyang which houses 3 religions under its roof. No fucking around I swear. Taoism, Hinduism, and this strange religion called Kramat Datuk co-existing in one place. Fantastic. The best thing was that the people in charge were most willing to let us shoot there. The downsides were that 1)too much incense smoke, 2) it's in fucking loyang, and 3)we may have lighting problems. I got off some really nice shots though. Happy like one kind ^^ But I'm not gonna post them all at once coz then I don't feel shiok. Imma post one with each subsequent blog entry. Hur hur hur.

Okay I've got to go. Watching City of God. Yeah I know I'm pretty behind but hey, I'm busy man. Byebyeeeee.

Oh yah, those who want link ups, I'm too bloody lazy now so heh wait awhile lah k? Yah but if you wanna link me up, it's fine by me. Go on, gimme free publicity. NOW NOW NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.


Rocks vs water.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Missing the missing.

Whoa had a good response on the tagboard due to my previous post about parents. Hmm.

Conclusion: Some of you guys have serious issues with your parents.

Not that I care of course heh.

Watched The Village just now. Awesome twist in the storyline and the visuals were pretty okay. The only complaint I have was that M. Night Shyamalan could have done much more with the ending. I don't like everything solved for me, I usually like to think about the movies I watch heh. I learnt a few things though, and one of which was how to cut to another scene using dialogue smoothly. There's a term for it but I forgot so yah. (And you call yourself a film student. HAH.)

In other news, I realised that there's an extremely human need for drama instilled in all of us, from the time we were born to this present moment. We complain of how drab and dull life is and I believe that we cause trouble for ourselves because we want to liven things up a little. Not to say that it's done on purpose but we long for turmoil in our lives in order to not feel as if we're living a routine. That's what I think anyway.

(Bah it's what I think that's important. I couldn't care less for what some of you think, HAH).

Because of my character and who I am, I think I would make an extremely lousy significant other. Really ah. I think I cannot make it. I just don't have the patience to deal with all these drama mama stuff that comes with relationships. I like to spend my time alone and undisturbed sometimes without having to explain myself to anyone. Plus the fact that I've got this irritating habit of not really opening up. I mean I do try but there's always this filter placed somewhere at the front of my mind restricting what I say. Some of my closest friends don't even understand me after knowing me for so long. But some of my newer friends can understand me better than most of my closer friends. I dunno why also. Kanina.

I miss people too. I miss those whom have gone through tough times with me but drifted apart from. I miss the people who are still here, but because they're not the same people that they were a few years ago. I miss those that have stood by me, those that have counselled me, and those that have brought me to my knees, for they have taught me lessons which I'll never forget. I'm really thankful to all these people and I really wish that we had stayed in contact. But people are such fickle beings, they change so fast that I can't relate to any of these people anymore. Fuck ah.

Okay lack of sleep speaking again. Gahh.

Good night.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

A mind of your own, that you own, that owns you.

The unthinkable has happened.

A certain friend of mine has recently gotten her blog discovered (accidentally) by her parents. Needless to say, her parents were shocked and disappointed upon reading what their daughter blogged about. They confronted their daughter and as a result, my friend felt really fucked and decided to conform to her parents' wishes, not because she felt happy doing so but because she felt obliged to do so. It's not as if the daughter had done something really bad but her parents told her that she had lost their trust. And that had to be earned back.

But by conforming? By living the life which your parents want you to live? By giving up all you love and accept? By becoming something you're not and you will never be happy becoming?

Nobody's perfect. But nobody's ugly too (Except for certain people whom I can think of but that's beside the point). I find it's totally fucked for you to say that you're fat and ugly. Inner beauty shines through. I think if you wrapped yourself in the many layers of physical and material beauty, you'll cover up what's left of the beauty inside you.

Freedom exists within yourself. If you feel free, you probably are free.

This post is for you. Never forget how much you are treasured by your friends.

Oh and if my mom or dad ever reads this, I appreciate everything you've done for me. I truly do. I cannot hope to have a better set of parents. It's an extreme pity I can't say all these to you face to face. Sigh. I seriously appreciate the freedom that my parents allowed me when I was growing up. No doubt it got me fucked up sometimes but hey, I'll rather this than anything else in the world.

It's time to sleep. Good night.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004


Okay enough enough. I must stop posting rashly and on impulse. I just read my last 3 posts and realised it was immensely childish of me. Yes. Childish. I'm not much better than the people I mentioned.


But sometimes I get really riled up and it's really near to impossible to do something fucked up like that. Oh man. I really need to take a break from people (again).

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

A series of quickies.

Don't blame me if you're incompetent enough to let me pull the rug out from under you. Don't hate me if I'm superior to you in more ways than one.

You're so fucking immature and stupid. But being the nice guy that I am, I forgive you. You just haven't grown up yet. Oh well.

Immature little fuck.

No I'm not talking about my good friend. Yeah thats a hint. Don't wanna post names.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Really, don't fuck with me.

Okay. It's official.

I'm on the warpath. Fuck with me and I'll let you have it. I won't give chance. I swear. I can be nice but I can be a total asshole too.

Don't believe, just try.

You may be my friend but I'll still have to rip your head off and stuff it up your ass if you don't take me seriously OR if you patronise me OR if you screw me over.

I'm not one to make empty threats. What I dare say, I dare carry out.

Just fucking try.


You fucking speak as if you know everything. But the truth is, you know nothing. You act as if you're the one leading, the one doing everything. Hah. Fuck off. I can see right through you.

Don't fucking patronise me. One more time and I'll blow. Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU.


Isn't it nice when no one appreciates what you do for them? Isn't it just so fucking nice when all they can do is to play a fool and not take you seriously? Isn't it even nicer still to have done your best but yet get pulled down by those that surround you?

This is how I see it. Interpret it as you will. I don't care.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Cut you, cut me.

I see the cuts. I hear the songs. I read the words.

You didn't have to go through all that to get through to me. If at all.

But why is it that I have no idea what to do? What do you expect of me? What do you expect of yourself? What do I expect of me, even.

Knowledge is a double-edged sword. You and I, we've been cut too many times. Do we have to go through all this again?

I really have nothing else to say. To say that I care would be hypocritical but to say that I don't would be a lie.

I don't know too.

"We used to love ourselves, we used to love one another."