Saturday, July 30, 2005


This is the 3rd week I've stayed home already. No money to do shit.

Fuck you all unfeeling bastards. FUCK YOU ALL.

Bah. 2.34am in the morning and I feel all angsty and teenagery and angryattheworldy.

Fuck laaaaaa.

I want to do something else. Stupid meaningless existence. I hate feeling so empty.


Yes. I shall set up a tofu stall. Yippee.


Thursday, July 28, 2005

Delirium Trigger

I've probably slept all of 5 hours for the past 72 hours.

The ache in my muscles (or lack of) feels nice, for some reason. I realise I miss working out. Yeah I actually used to do that..

There are many things swirling around in my mind, none of which I am able to put successfully into words. Fuck that, no description can come close anyway.

My temper's almost totally gone now. I wish I had it back though. It keeps me sane and helps me to blow off steam. I need an outlet for my frustration, but I can't find anything at all.

One day I'll eat a bullet.

Nobody likes a depressed fuck.

Mr Marlboro Man, save me.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The bird has flown the cage.

So she finally went at 11.40pm last night. My grandmother, I mean.

I'm now officially a grand-orphan.

Yeah that kinda happens when all of your grandparents are dead.

Honestly, I'm quite glad coz she was suffering pretty badly right at the end. It's good that she's gone. But it sucks coz now I'll have to attend her funeral and have to sit down there while monks go chanting all around.

Wah damn boring. The last time I did that for my other grandmother, I fell asleep and dropped the joss stick which I was supposed to hold up straight. Got one hell of a look from my mom. My uncles were laughing though. Hur.


My specialist script is finally locked hahahahaha. Can't really describe how relieved I am. It's been a hell of a journey, writing that 16 pages. Got some good comments on it so I think we'll be able to look forward to the joys of production.

Hah joys. I have a great sense of humour. Hah.

I'm bored out of my fuckin head. Will type more later.

I really cannot wait for the new coheed and cambria album.


Such a happy post. :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Ack IV.

I think I'm becoming a bit mentally unbalanced. Just a bit, but it's there.

I hate all my classes this semester. Gah.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Coheed and Cambria



Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home

A track from their soon to come album. Fucking kicks so much ass that I'm spasming in joy.

The new album name's so fucking cool.

Dear Apollo I'm burning star IV, Volume 1: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness.


The track's so fucking metal and black metalish and yet so coheedandcambriaish at the same time.



Coheed and Cambria is possibly the only band which albums get better and better with each fucking release.


Friday, July 22, 2005

Uh oh.

You are reminded to have your meal before reporting and also proper hair cut for smart card photo-taking.
If you are bespectacled, please put on your spectacles and NOT contact lenses for medical examination.

The future looks bleak.


Thursday, July 21, 2005

C'est la vie.

auralorgasm:: Slipknot - dunno what the fuck song they all sound alike.

The sun has come out from behind the clouds.


Having said that, I hate the sun. Gimme cloudy or rainy weather anyday.

Finally finished that accursed film. Finally passed my assesment lesson in motor. Finally lost my ezlink card. Shit.

And I think I'm gonna kena summon from traffic police just because I waited outside far east in my van for too long.

Finally got tired of trying to listen to Dillinger Escape Plan. After that 10 minutes, The Decemberists sounded like crap and Slipknot sounded like heaven. Wonder why.

They say life is full of ups and downs. I say fuck that, the only thing that life is full of, is shit.

And that's that.

P.S: This entry is so full of exuberance that I could just kill myself.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Faint of Hearts.

C'est la vie.

Fuck student life.

After this last year, never again will I go back to school. NEVER.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


auralorgasm:: CYR - Ever Lose Somebody

I feel like shit.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I stand accused.

I'm in such a bad mood now.

Everytime I go to school I end up in a bad mood. Notice a pattern forming?

I'm not going to bother anymore. I swear I won't.

I really don't appreciate taking the rap for people. I really don't.

Ah forget it.

Copeland = suckage

On Baybeats:

The defining moment of this year's Baybeats was when fireworks exploded in the sky during Love Me Butch's set.

The Death of Cinema (This is NOT the film student in me talking, they really were good), Concave Scream and Surreal were cool.

Copeland was just a fuckin waste of time.

I hope they bring a band that's worth it down next year. And I hope they won't close with some stupid emo band like Copeland. Gah.

The only cool band that closed Baybeats after all these years was Last Days of April. Copeland doesn't even come close.

Personal opinion of course.

It'll be funny if Copeland sees this and decides to sue me hahahahaha.

Coheed and Cambria next year please!

I didn't see much people I know around. There's a number of possibilities why I didn't meet much people there - 1) Half of the people I know died, 2) They were in Tekong. God bless the army. 3) They just decided they were too old for this kinda shit and not to come this year.

Didn't make much of a difference though, hung out with the people I always hang out with so it's all cool.


I've been doing some thinking of late and have decided that things aren't really as bad as they seem to be.

Actually, no. I'm just trying to look on the brighter side of things. It's not helping much but fuck it, it's the least I could do.

I've got an idea for something, but I don't know whether to go through with it. I'm afraid but I know it's a calling I have to heed.

I'm getting restless.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Nothing much.

auralorgasm:: Blond Redhead - Misery is a Butterfly

Nothing's been happening lately and everything's just being played on one level so... Yeah.

Baybeats on Saturday was pretty okay. Love Me Butch were crazy, firework during the set and all. Hahaha was pretty fun. Surreal was fun too. Uhm.


Tuesday, July 12, 2005


I'm still trying to figure out where did it all go wrong. There's this nick on my msn list that says 'God gave you life as a gift, not as a problem that needs to be solved'.

Uhhh okay.

Was feeling extremely down just now so decided to watch Le Papillon. Worth every minute of it. Made me feel better, if only for just awhile. It's time to sleep but I'm not tired. I really don't want to wake up later on. I can't bear the thought of facing another day like that. Ack.

Come to think of it, the prospect of having another 30 - 50 years more to live isn't making me feel any better.

What the hell am I gonna do with all that time?!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Long Wait.

So today's the start of the study week. I don't have to go to school so that leaves me with no other option but to stay home because I've got no money. I've got projects waiting to be done but I honestly, cannot be bothered.

I guess I've lost all motivation to do anything about my current state. I'm now feeling a dreaded sense of anticipation, the sort of which makes my heart jump about in my stomach. It makes me wanna puke.

No money, no life, no motivation, no inspiration, absolutely fuckin' nothing.

I've got an alternative to being a taxi driver, or a drug lord - I'll be a criminal. If it works out, I'll have cash. If it doesn't, I'll land in jail. At least I'll be fed and have a roof over my head. Hmmm. Perfect plan.

ackkk. I feel like I've got nothing left and nothing to look forward to. Cheers to life. I've never felt worse.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


I can't wait to graduate, can't wait can't wait can't wait!

Gonna be a taxi driver and drive around and be free!

An exciting career as a taxi driver awaits me!

Can't wait can't wait can't wait!


I think I'm going nuts. My moodswings are worse than ever. And I really cannot wait to leave school. Another year and I'll finally be gone. Hahaha. CAN'T WAIT WOOOHOOO.

I think I'm sick of school and of studying. Bah.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Pain la cheebye.

Haven't been eating properly for the past few weeks on account of the amount of stress. Loss of appetite, no time, blah blah.

Result: Gastric.

At fucking 4 in the morning.

Ohhhh I'm in pain.

But my mental health has improved, somewhat. I still want to kill some people, but I don't think I'm in the condition to do anything other than to feel sorry for myself. Owwwww.

Eh fuck really pain ow ow.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Till Death.

So it's true, you never appreciate what you have until you've lost it.

Everything is so messed up and I can't think straight at all. Worst of all, I miss you.

Never really appreciated you till a couple of years later. It's a bit too late innit? I don't really wish you well, nope, not at all. I wish you all the pain that's on me to be inflicted onto you. Why? I don't know. But it seems a good way to end the misery.

Everyone has their emo moments sooner or later, so yeah fuck off.

If I watch Donnie Darko now, I think I'll kill myself.

"...I'll forfeit all my lives just to get one right..."

Guess where this came from.

Go away, seriously.

You know the feeling when you're sitting in math class and you just have this terrible urge to get out of your sit, punch your teacher in the face and run the fuck out of the school?

You know the feeling of frustration, when all you want to do is to stab yourself a few times in the chest with a sharp knife, to get at that really itchy spot in the inner center and you can't coz you know you'll die and so you smoke in hopes that the harsh smoke will hit that spot and end your torment?

You know the feeling of being so fucking angry and so fucking helpless at the same time because you know you can't do anything about anything?

No I'm not fine and I do NOT wish to talk about it.

Now fuck off and leave me be.


I hate feeling guilty.

That's it.

Block. Block. Block.


False Alarmed

Yeah :D

She bluff us hahahaha.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005


My grandma has just announced that she's going to move on.

To the nether realm, no less.

So here we all go, traipsing down to Tan Tock Seng Hospital to see her off. But it leaves me with one question,

What do you say to an old lady who's about to die?

An old lady whom I remember most for giving the most money each year during Chinese New Year. So what do I say to her?

Thanks for the cash and I'll see you in awhile?

Call me heartless but I can't feel anything.

To be fair, she hasn't done anything to turn me against her, in fact, there are plenty of occasions when she has helped my family.

But she's not very close to me so...

I dunno la.

And so on this wonderful evening, as the golden sunlight shines in through the window for one last time on this old soul, she bids farewell to her family and loved ones.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the evenings?

Monday, July 04, 2005


Go away.


Sunday, July 03, 2005

Keeping Secrets.

auralorgasm:: Motorace - Keeping Secrets

I think I'll never stop appreciating the friends I have and the good times we've shared.

I thank God for everything that's good, and also all the obstacles he's put me through. So it's true, what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I honestly hate keeping secrets but sometimes it just so happens that I can tell no one, for fear of misunderstanding.

One last thing before I sign off: the bike instructors at SSDC are such militants. They still think they're in the army. I pay 21 bucks per lesson to get screamed at.

I fucking hate fascists.