A Life Less Torn.

I hate shopping, I really really do. It's possibly the one thing that can make me more depressed than anything else in the world.

I can't find anything which I like, and I only do this crap once a year. Thank God.

All the t-shirts I see have either the word 'cheenabengwannabe' or 'immastreetwearlabelbitch' written all over it. Figuratively of course. What the fuck is the world coming to?

I give up. Shopping's too tough for me. Bah.

---

I gave up on 'trying to find myself' because I figured out that it was really quite pointless. It's normal that people should change, so what if I change for the worse? Hah, even that is subjective.

I've spent the past few days taking life as it comes and surprise surprise, I'm actually enjoying myself for once. That's a definite rarity.

Bah, enough of the bollocks. Time to watch House of Flying Daggers, I'm hoping that it won't be time wasted.

Good night.

*When we clashed, the world shuddered, everyone around us got hurt, and something in both of us died. Let's not ever do that again.

Indignation.

I really do hate being used as a instrument to hurt my own friends.

Yes, I can see through it, and so can everybody else.

And we're all wondering how the fuck did you turn out like this.

Lights, Camera, Transaction.

auralorgasm:: Incubus - Talk Shows on Mute.

Staying up late nights just to play Ghost Master.

Yet I've never felt more revitalised.

GEEKILITY, TAKE IT! IT'S YOURS!

On another note, I think I'd be better off being more hypocritical.

I meant, more sensitive, tactful, diplomatic. Whatever.

I can't stand the hypocrisy anymore. Everybody, just shut the fuck up.

Ok go.

Smokes go up in smoke.

Friday: Shoot at outdoor location - 3 sticks.
Saturday: Shoot at indoor location - 6 sticks.
Sunday: Stayed at home to do term paper - 4 sticks.

Monday: Went to school and hung out after that - 17 sticks.

I'm starting to detect a pattern here. I'm considering a career as a statistical analyst, whatever that means.

Heh. I'm in a very whimsical mood right now.

Such a rarity.

auralorgasm:: Last Days of April - Piano.

Pointless.

It's been a few weeks and still I feel listless. There's hardly any point in doing anything at all.

Gah.

edit:
I'm tired, pissed off, and not in a good mood. It just struck me that I've been this way for the longest time.

I get off on hurting people.

I'll hurt you just to feel good.

A Question - Why?

Things could have been so good.

I regret that this ever came to pass.

Life in Miniature.

It's amazing how you don't see a person at all for more than a year and when you finally bump into him at some random carpark, you find yourself talking to him for over an hour.

At the same time, it's sad when you know a person for a couple of years and yet you're not able to confide in them.

I've not spoken to Spider for quite a long while already from lack of time and energy. I wonder how's she doing.

Played with my young cousins today and it was pretty fun. I don't normally like kids but for my cousins, I make an exception. I look at my uncle playing with his kids in the playground and I feel envious. The very idea of a 45 year old man playing on a playground built for 6 - 12 year olds seems ridiculous but somehow, everything fits nicely together.

Introduced them to the art of kite-flying today and the kids were fascinated by the falling and swooping of the kite in the air. How I wish I could be fascinated by that too. But unfortunately, it's all just a matter of physics to me. The kite flies because it is light, thin, and has a big surface area. When a force pulls at the kite string and wind blows against the kite, the kite will naturally rise.

We're all kites on strings, flames upon candlewicks. We struggle to break free but once we do, we are lost.

Nila hidup aku.


Life in Miniature.

Sever.

I would like to believe that God didn't make a mistake creating me.


Portrait of a Haiku. *unedited photo. don't believe in photoshop.

The Photo Installation.

I think it's amusing that hotmail junks any emails sent from gmail accounts by default. First Sony, now Google. Bill must be feeling really sore by now.

I haven't been updating for quite a long while coz I really feel that everything is pointless at this stage. The only thing I'm interested in now is editing, both audio and visual, and photography. I'm testing out black and white photography and am currently working on an installation piece. I'm quite optimistic about this. For once in my life anyway.

I'm also reading Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness. It should be able to explain the behaviour of some of the people around me. Thank God for answers.

There is a kind of satisfaction in editing, the pacing of the whole thing and the feeling of achievement after you complete the work. I'm addicted.

I won't be posting much anymore, not until I find motivation to do it. Everything's stagnant and stale and pointless. My life as I know it has ground to a halt. I'm just gonna drown myself in my work and by the look of things, it's gonna get a lot more enjoyable since I've just agreed to do the audio post-production for a third year specialist film.

Spent the night with Ah Jia and Ryan. T'was a lovely time. Thanks a lot. Ace company, you guys. Gotta do this shit more often.

I am locked in stasis.

Scream for Sorrow.

Tonight I saw a young couple in a dark alley lit only by streetlamps and they looked so sad and everything was just so yellow and beautiful.

auralorgasm:: Deathcab for Cutie - Transatlanticism.

Lun.

If the madman cries for joy, who is to say he's crazy?

Wither.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going under again.

Hello black. It's nice to see you again.

The Inevitable Crash.

When is enough, enough?

This game is one which I have no choice but to play. Believe me when I say I'll drop out if I could. If I win, I get nought. If I lose, I stand to lose more than what I stand to gain if I win. In other words, a lose-lose situation.

This is one such circumstance which I would give anything to avoid. And I do mean anything.

I'm torn between two choices, both of which leads to nowhere I want to go. I wish I had control over this situation but this situation is controlling me. I am first and foremost a realist, not a dreamer. But realism and logic eludes me in this case.

I don't want to dream no more.

But I thirst ever so much for more than this. If this is existence, then life is meaningless.

42.

Celebrity Deathmatch (Wannabe Version).

Dick Chan versus Steven Lim.

I'm personally rooting for Dick Chan. It's my opinion that Steven Lim deserves to get his dick torn off by rabid dogs.

Photo.

The idea of capturing a moment of time in a frame is stupid. Why the fuck would anybody want to do that in the first place?

Memories are probably the worst things in creation.

Fools for a year and 2 days.

What fools we are, to think that the passage of a year means change to our luck and lives. The new year is just a chronological number, it means nothing. It's just something we came up with to contain immeasurable time. Life won't stop and wait, same as time. Sooner or later we'll all come to know the purity of death.

After all, death is the only predictable thing about life.

I bought new shoes yesterday. I feel like such a sellout.

You speak of the tsunami as if it has greatly impacted your life. Sacrifice certain unimportant possesions and you already feel like a matyr. Fuck you, enough of your hypocrisy.

It's just another trend for you to follow isn't it?

Lazeeeeeeeeeeee.

The new year's been pretty cool so far. Let's hope it stays this way for the rest of the year.

Fuckloads of work to clear, what with presentations, papers to write, and tests. I'm feeling lazy.

End.

Dear 2005.

Dear 2005,

You had better not fuck my life up. Thanks.

Yours Truly,
Julius.