LOL.

What Lavinia said:

Quiet is the new loud says:
u dont seem to start doing something u jump at it and when u get panicky u get really scary, constantly machine gun whatever it is ur not happy abt?

OMG HAHAHAHA. Lavinia, you've made me laugh. Thanks hahaha.

I can't fucking stop smiling lolololol.

Frog Eater.

3 more frogs aren't hopping any more.

Yum. (I can already hear Yiying protesting heh)

What a day for stupidity. I actually told the malay guy selling satay that I wanted 15 sticks: 5 chicken, 5 mutton and 5 pork.

I got one kind of weird look from him. Ah fuck it, his satays suck anyway.

I am going to make another attempt to ditch smoking. This time I'm gonna try something different. I got a prescription from the doctor to get some anti-smoking drug. I'm gonna buy that PLUS nicorette, the nicotine flavoured gum. Hopefully I'll be able to quit at last.

Okay but I've got no time to go down to the pharmacy to geddit so I can't quit yet. Heh. Gosh I need to pee but my sister's using the toilet to bathe ahhhhhhh. This is so fucked up. Ooo this reminds me of the part in Mammon Inc where the angmoh guy pees out of the window and wind blew the window shut smack on his dick hahahhaa.

K I'm bored. And I'm not feeling well. Bah.

Anyway, I think I don't have any affinity with kindergarten teachers. They seem to hate me and I think I hate them. Hahaha. Joker bunnies weeee.

Wah lao eh bored. I would drink but I'm broke. Fuck. I would watch a film but there's nothing at home. Oh wait, I just remembered I've got Lars Von Trier's Dogville. But then again I'm just too tired. What to do. Gahhhh.

Fuck itttttttt.

Uhm.

I can't believe I just agreed to help out on specialist shoot on sunday after work and the whole of monday.

Dumbfuck me.

Babu.

http://geckoandee.com/idol/ymca.wmv

Here's something to laugh at. Hur.

Splatter the walls with paint and call it ART.

I take back all I said about the company I'm currently being attached too, because it was stupid and immature for me to say that.

No, I didn't get caught or confronted by any authority. I've realised how dumb I was to post that. 3 days into the job and I get fucked up? Hah. Low level of tolerance. Handling the cam in this line is not easy at all. It was pretty naive of me to say what I did and I admit that. So yeah.

There are always things to learn and although sometimes you might feel as if you have no need to learn some stuff, you never know when it might come in handy. I've learnt quite a bit in the first 5 days of my attachment and I am absolutely grateful that I was attached to this company. Shooting kindergarten concerts might be boring and tedious at first but once you get into it, you'll realise that it really takes skill.

My boss told me just now that if there's any jobs for the company after my internship is over, he might give me a call so that I can help shoot and earn some cash. Contact established. :D

I was talking to him just now when he was driving me back after shoot and I told him I wasn't planning to get married or have children. I have no idea how the subject came up but he told me something which really touched me. He said, "I'm already so old and my kids are still so young. I don't know what will happen to me in the future but for now, it's really something for me to come home and have my kids greet me 'Papa'. I don't want to think about the future; for now, I'm happy and that's all that matters. You're still young so maybe you won't know the feeling but when you grow older, you'll realise that if you don't have children, your life is meaningless."

Roughly translated from chinese to english. (My chinese is getting much better hahaha.)

It really makes a lot of sense but the thing is, although I, just like any other guy, long for female companionship, I know myself too well to trust myself. I have the tendency to fuck things up in relationships because I find it extremely difficult to accept character flaws in people. I know I'm not perfect but I don't believe that people can change, which is why I find it so hard to forgive and impossible to forget. Thankfully it's getting better but I still don't trust myself enough. And I suggest for the good of your mental health, don't trust me when it comes to shit like this. I.will.fuck.up. Fact of life, no changing it. Plus I really like to do work (I think I'm a workaholic) so in the face of work-to-be-done, everything else takes a step down the priority ladder.

Lust however, is a totally different matter. I really dig girls heh heh heh. K stop.

Wisdom is not being a smartass. Wisdom is maturity and the willingness to shut up, listen and learn. Being wise is not hard, it just takes a hell lot of effort (and a shitload of tolerance). I thought that my ITP was shit but really, it's not. I just had to stop being a bitchin' smartass and just shut the fuck up and listen. And I did. And I started to learn. Haha. I dig learning.

Oh btw, happy birthday. This year, I'm not gonna give you a present in a physical form but rather in the form of some good shit advice. And as usual, my birthday present to you is practical and reliable. Read it (coz I know you're reading this, duh. I'm not dumb) but you don't have to follow it. It's your life, not mine. Anyway, here goes:

Friendships and politics don't mix. Never fuck around with friends like you do with politics.

And as a bonus:
Don't trust, rely, or depend on some people too much, even though they may seem close to you. When the shit hits the fan, you're on your own. Learn from my lesson.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Anyway, I have to work saturday and sunday but I'll have a break on monday. I feel like doing something, for once with somebody instead of alone. Note: I don't do groups. GROUPTHINK is something to be wary of. Hur, I learnt something from social psychology. Not bad.

I feel old.

Darius.

DARIUS IS A FUCKING WANKER BECAUSE HE HAS ALL THE FUCKING CONTACTS IN THE WHOLE OF THE FUCKING WORLD. I HATE DARIUS.

But I'm blogging from his laptop in his house right now so I can't really complain.

But he's still a bloody wanker. Blah.

Anyway, at this point in time, my editor is already shaping up the rough timeline for Kiat. At this rate, the visual edit will be ready next tuesday. Then we can go into the next phase, audio post. Har har har.

K nothing to blog about anymore. Good bye.

ITP and Kiat is taking away my life.

Neh Mind.

Never mind, it's okay. I'll just fucking shut down, that's all. Become a machine for 6 weeks.

It's a lesson in tolerance anyway.

I fucking hate Ngee Ann Poly.

I don't bloody understand why I was sent to the company I was sent to while other less competent and less hardworking people were sent to companies that were actually doing something related to the industry. Even if they aren't learning anything, at least they have the opportunity to make contacts.

What I am doing now:
Shooting and editing kindergarten graduation ceremonies. No, I'm not shitting. It's bloody worse than loc vid. One camera (on auto, not even on manual), just do a wide shot and from then on zoom in and out and start panning left and right. Fuck framing, fuck composition, fuck everything which you've been taught in fsv.

Editing is even better. Adobe Premier, just take the whole 2 hour footage of the concert, delete the unnecessary parts i.e when the emcee is asking audience to switch off handphones, do corny transitions, use inscriber, and you're done.

I don't even see the point in doing this. I didn't fucking come to fsv to fucking shoot kids. I dislike most kids. Bloody annoying, noisy, brats. I really don't understand why I was sent there. I didn't get below a B in any of my modules in my first year so it can't be my grades. I don't know what I'm supposed to learn, seriously.

THIS IS NOT A PRODUCTION HOUSE. THIS IS A PRIVATELY OWNED BUSINESS WHICH TURNS OUT AMATEUR HOME VIDEOS AND THEN MARKETS THEM AS COMMERCIAL VIDEOS.

I feel like a bloody machine. I'm not learning anything at all. No editing techniques, no new editing software, no camera techniques, NOTHING. The most I learnt was how to use 2 new cameras and even those were easy to master. Bloody hell. Somebody save me from this torture. 2 days at work and it's already feeling like a month.

Equipment used - DV cam, tripod, mounting light.

Whaddafuck.

This is not production. This is point and click. I don't want point and click. I am not a machine. I want to be pulled out. I want to be pulled out. I want to be pulled out. I want to be pulled out.

Best thing is I'm working 9 - 5 mondays to saturdays. YES GET THAT! I'M FUCKING DOING 9 - 5 ON A BLOODY SATURDAY JUST EDITING A STUPID KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION CEREMONY. The worse thing is that I get to go to work earlier every day. 9am on monday. 7.45am on tuesday. 7.25am on wednesday.

I just need to understand why.

Of course I could just shut down and become a machine for the next 6 weeks. But it wouldn't help anything. Fucking hell.

I FUCKING WANT OUT.

FSV is bloody ill-treating me.

OEI!

Can someone just tell that silly sod that he's fucking delusional and he cannot save the world? The world doesn't need saving, it's fucked. Period. And it likes being fucked. Okay?

You are not special. You are just like any other one of us. Just shut the fuck up and sit down alright? I feel weird just talking to you.

I have no bloody love for anyone right now.

Fuck off.

50 hours.

I woke up at 6am on Friday morning and slept at 10am on Sunday morning.

Do believe me when I say that it's been a exhausting weekend.

We had to scrap the last scene because it looked stupid on cam. Never mind, we'll find a solution.

Some of the shots are just so fucking killer that they have already gone past being orgasmic.

Time to get to work on the visual edit and the music. Tomorrow, attachment starts. Run, run, run, run, run.

Nevertheless, my thanks, love, and appreciation to the cast and crew of Kiat. It's been a fucked up weekend but at least we all got out of it alive.

Cast:
Roy - Kiat
Ave - Girl

Crew:
Cherie - Producer
Priya - Co-producer/Production Manager
Yadin - DP
Andrew - Sound
Kingston - Cam Assist/Cam Op/Boom Op/Gaffer
Edmund - Grip/Production Assistant

Thank you all.

Now for the editing: the 'what the fuck is that boom doing in frame?!'s, the cigarette breaks, the endless clicking of the mouse, the 'omg stop shaking the camera omgomgomgomg!!!'s and the sore eyes.

After my first day at work tomorrow, gonna go down to Simei and start digitizing. AHHHH.

Gotta finish fast brrrr.

Okay let's stop talking about Kiat.

K anyway,

I want to write what I don't want people to read. I want to say what I don't want people to hear. I'm so bottled up inside but yet...

I feel so empty.

Time will kill us all.

Let's just see how many hearts will get ripped out this time around.

History.will.repeat.itself.

It always does :D

Day 2 of shoot. Tired but still going. Will blog more later. Tonight's shoot is from 12am to 4am. I know I can still go on. Got 2 hours to catch up on sleep before tonight. Will blog more later. Bye.

Fuck it, just shoot.

Day Zero, part 2.

Okay, shoot is tomorrow and I've got all the equipment in my van. Cast and crew have all been settled so I'm just hoping and praying for a good shoot tomorrow.

I really hope that we can pull this one off relatively smoothly (because to hope that we have a production without any cockups would be naive) without any conflict. It's going to be a fucking crazy day and I've decided to stock up on red bulls and other such energy drinks tomorrow.

Note to self: Don't fuckin lose your temper you stupid schmuck.

To my crew (if you guys ever read this): The next two days will probably be exhausting and hectic. Most likely, some of you guys will be bored out of your fuckin minds, just sitting there and waiting for the shoot to be over. I would just like to say that each and every one of you will or have already contributed to the production and all you've got to do is to hang on for 2 more days. On Sunday, you can sleep. Friday and Saturday, we shoot. Geddit? Hopefully we'll all learn something from this.

Cool.

Thanks to everyone who had helped me or tried to anyway, your help is greatly appreciated and I don't give a shit whether this sentence has proper grammar because I'm fuckin tired already.

Okay I've got to go do some final revisions on the script and get the direction really ironed out. Lord, help me.

Will blog more on Friday night. Wish me luck. Pray for me if possible. :D

No, seriously. Pray for me dammit!

Day Zero.

I've been coughing like a mofo since last week and today, I woke up with the insides of my chest all clogged up with phlegm and other lovely things.

I slept fitfully last night. Dreamt weird stuff again. Gah.

I would see the doctor but I'm totally broke. Ack. How stupid.

Never mind. Pay is coming in today. Hallelujah. I really got to get a proper job if I want to get throught FSV without being financially crippled after every damn production. Oh wait, it's only this one. Whatever.

I'm kind of worried though, about the copyright issues between Canon and the school. Gotta call up canon to ask. Should have done so 2 weeks ago, only that I didn't realise. Damn.

I was thinking last night that for God to give us humans free will, he's already condemning at least 99% of us to hell. I would rather be like an angel, a hollow shell made just to praise, worship, and do the Lord's bidding unquestioningly. At least I won't land in trouble, nor will I doubt the existence of everything, nor will I sin anymore.

It's pretty damn fucked to be human.

Will be going to school to draw equipment. Tomorrow, Day 1 of shoot.

Oh what joy.

Ennui.

Been sitting on my arse in front of this screen for the past 6 hours with only Newgrounds to entertain me. I'm bored out of my fuckin mind.

Took a break to smoke and work on the script (wardrobe. how fun.) and went right back to stonage after 5 minutes. Time passes so slow when you're bored.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

It sucks having nothing to do. I wish I was busy.

Maybe Memories.

...white it out like glittering wax butterflies...

Update.

I got my soundman, I got the school to back me up, I got the equipment, the talents are already practising their lines, my DP shares the same vision as me PLUS he loves the script, I got almost all my locations, and I finally tried the famous but elusive Ramly burger (at a bazaar at Geylang Serai. I'm definitely going back there with a still camera. The visuals are omg -drools-) and I'm fucking happy as of now.

No doubt this feeling won't last but since it comes rarely to me, I'm gonna savour it as long as I can. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

My life is shit but it's moments like this that make me truly happy to be alive.

Marcus: One word - Totalfreedomincreativity. (But of course, it must fit the film) Have to see how lah. I'll drop by maybe tomorrow to see how things are going.

Ryan/Wei: I was wondering how long it would take you to realise :P

-

30 mins later:

Fuck. I'm looking at the budget and there is seriously no way anyone can escape paying anything less then 40 bucks.

It's cheap but if people don't wanna pay. Urgh.

Fuck.

Self.

I'm frequently amazed at how stupid I can be sometimes.

Ouch.

Nin Na Buey.

Good: I managed to confirm equipment.

Bad: My DP and gaffer dropped due to commitments on friday and saturday.

Good: I managed to find another DP and gaffer from the other mod.

Bad: My soundman dropped coz he wanted to work for his auntie.

Good: May be changing the script a bit so we don't need to do the underwater shots.

Bad: We need a house and since we were planning to use the soundguy's house, we're fucked.

Bad: My cough is worsening.

Bad: I'm flat out broke.

Bad: I'm getting tired.

Bad: Locations aren't secured yet.

Good: My dad's back.

Bad: He'll want the van back.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This production is fucking cursed.

19.

There is nothing happy about birthdays. You were born into this world to suffer and you're happy about it? HAH!

I'll be happier in limbo.

But there are still so many things I don't understand.

Waiting for calls which I didn't get. Waiting for messages which I didn't receive. Waiting for friends who didn't come. Why?

A wasted effort on my part. Never mind. Time spent can never be recovered, but knowledge from lessons learnt will always come in useful in the end.

At least 7-11 has some good deals on beer.

Kilkenny still kicks ass.

Talk about fuckin poetic justice...

Btw, the first one to wish me a happy birthday was my insurance agent. Hah.

Hate today, no love for tomorrow.

Okay, so much so for sleeping through till sunday.

Woke up early this morning to go to school, hoping to be able to save my multitrack assignment. Unfortunately, the government managed to fuck me over again. How? 4 words: 5 day work week. Which means that there's no TSO around, which means that the multitrack studio is closed, which means we're fucked till monday. Fucking hell.

Woke up to a good thing though. Watched the film that won best of show at the canon dv fest this morning and it was pretty entertaining. I wouldn't say that it was excellent, but it was pretty good. The acting left a lot to be desired but the idea behind the whole thing was nice. Local flavoured, definitely so.

I would go back to sleep but there's no point since I'm meeting marcus to talk about the soundtrack for Kiat.

I'm not giving up. Yet.

Things to do on monday:
-get to school at 8am for multitrack.
-look for deputy director for fsv in hope of getting equipment on saturday and sunday at 11.
-at this juncture, if plea for equipment drops flat on its face, panic. If not, proceed to do required paperwork.
-start killing time till it's bed time.
-sleep.

Things to do tuesday - thursday
-search for new dp.
-search for new gaffer.
-redo shot list if new dp wants to.
-call up talents to make sure they're getting familiar with the script.
-secure locations.
-get props.

things to do friday - saturday
-shut the fuck up and shoot.

things to do sunday
-have a total breakdown.

And ITP starts monday. Hallelujah. Sigh, after work, go Changi do editing. So fun.

Fucking hell.

Shoot has been postponed.

Shoot has been postponed due to the fact that we couldn't get equipment.

I'm gonna get a C for multitrack because we missed the deadline for the final project submission. Why? Because I made a mistake. I trusted people.

I'm so disappointed in everything.

I'm about to do what any other sane and sensible person would do if he/she was in my position. I'm going to go to bed. Don't call me tonight. Don't call me tomorrow. I'm going to lock myself up in my room and I'm not coming out till Sunday when I have work.

I never wanted to be born. I wished we had a choice in these matters.

PANIC ATTACK!

AHHHH SHOOT MAY BE CANCELLED AHHHHH.

No.

In time we shall burn,
forever together.

I dread the day in which I have nothing to occupy my mind with.

Marcus' blog is up. Bloody unique way of posting. Cheggit.

Salad Fingers.

I have just stumbled upon the most beautiful series of animation I've ever seen in my life. Salad Fingers. I'm in love.

Some say it's creepy, some say it's pointless, and some say it's just plain weird.

But I say it's beautiful. Omg I'm addicted to Salad Fingers. Episode 4 is so fucking tender and sweet. Ohhhhhh.

I want to learn flash animation. I may be a computer retard but I really want to learn this. Fuckkkk.

Salad Fingers.

I'm in love.

Innernicenessmyarse.

I figured that we might as well be shallow and materialistic because there is really nothing on the inside that really matters.

Shut up.

From now on, I shall make a conscious effort to shut the fuck up and not speak until spoken to. Or unless it's totally necessary.

Don't talk to me anymore please.

This illusion.

INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

JANE is seated at her desk, working at her computer.


LESTER (V.O.): My daughter Jane. Only child.


CLOSE on the COMPUTER MONITOR: A PERSONAL BANKING SOFTWARE window suddenly disappears to reveal another window: a PLASTIC SURGERY WEBSITE, featuring clinical "before" and "after" photos of surgically augmented breasts.


LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd): Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass...


Outside, a CAR HORN BLARES. Jane stuffs items into her BACKPACK.


LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd): But I don't want to lie to her.


We HEAR the CAR HORN again from outside. Jane studies herself in a mirror, then shifts to get a good profile of her breasts.

- A scene from American Beauty.

Pre-production for Kiat is well underway, and going pretty smoothly. We've gotten the main cast already but we're still looking for the middle aged chinese woman and the androgynous guy. Ah fuck androgyny, any bloody guy will do.

The scary thing about directing this one is that I'm actually starting to feel like Kiat. I don't know how to explain it but whatever it is, it's not good for my mental health.

My thanks to Jennifer and Jocelyn for their photos/hairspray and bible respectively.

If anything will force me to suicide, this will. That is, if I even want to do such a silly thing.

I've been working really hard at this production. I really don't want to see it fall flat on its face. I think if I can't shoot, I'll just lock myself in my house and refuse to come out ever again. What's the point of doing anything else? There's nothing else I can look forward to.

At this point in time, I'll just like to say that I'm dangerously close to losing it.

I don't see the point in doing anything anymore. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I can't chill. No way in hell I can chill. I haven't chilled for the longest time. I'm getting to me. Fuck. I'm annoying myself. I'm pissing myself off. I'm doing things which I never knew I was capable of doing. I'm feelings things which I'm not even supposed to feel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I feel extremely screwed up.

My future's so bleak, it's not even funny anymore.

Braindead.

I'm so fucked.

Been doing work since 8am in the morning till 12am. Fucking hell.

Omg I can't type. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm still looking for the middle aged chinese woman and the androgynous guy. The other talents have been found.

Okay time to drink again. I'm gonna turn myself into an alcoholic. HAH!

Drink, Drank, Drunk.

Firstly, a belated happy bornday to Ryan. Sorry that your birthday was fucked up, I'm sure next year will be much better. Heh who am I kidding, next year will be fucked as well. And the year after that. And after that too.

The truth is Ryan, birthdays are always fucked up things when suddenly all your friends become nice to you for one day but after that, you're on your own again. Even worse, when some people try to be nice but do it in such a halfhearted manner that you wish they'll all just fuck off and leave you alone. It's fucked up but hey, it's life. Ahh, c'est la vie. How true.

But I promise I won't forget your birthday the next time it comes around. Hopefully anyway.

It's 1am now and I'm wondering whether I should go get myself drunk. I feel like drinking tonight. But I've got multitrack in the morning at 8. Ah fuck it, I think I shall heh. The wonders of temptation.

auralorgasm:: Dillinger Escape Plan - Panasonic Youth

I'm starting to think that Andrew isn't totally fucking crazy after all, and that there a certain substance to this band after all. But then again, I think I shall have this one for when I'm feeling fucked and still have bands like The Used and Mars Volta for my main course.

Oh, I'm currently really addicted to the Tiberian Sun soundtrack. It's fucking marvellous to listen to when you're feeling fucked and tired and driving on the highway at night when all the little yellow lights zoom towards you at really high speeds. Kinda gets me high. I don't want to think of the consequences of being high on the road. Never mind.

Drink, drank, drunk.

Out.

He closed his eyes and hid from the world.

He sits at his desk, staring down at the piece of paper. The light from the ceiling light reflects off the white paper, making it a lightsource in itself. He closes his eyes, blinded by the light from the paper. 'Damn', he thought, 'why do they make paper white anyway.' He opens his eyes and looks at the pen he holds in his right hand. He sighs as he leans forward to write. 'Dear friends, family, and the police force, by the time you read this, I'll be de'

He stops writing as he hears a ominous cracking noise coming from above him. He looks up just in time to see a huge chunk of concrete falling onto his face.

The last thing he thought of was, 'Shit.'

Flunked.

I have just failed the multitrack test spectacularly.

Wonderful.

Granted that it was more an exam than a test, bah. Still, no excuse. I'm just happy that the semester is over and I would never have to look at that console again. Not if I can help it anyway.

I've got the glass tank, now I'm looking for the pogostick. I called up all the toys'r'us outlets and all of them are out of stock. Ditto for giant and carrefour. Fuck fuck fuck. I need one which adults can use without it breaking and yahoo only has the children's type.

I've been thinking, are spiders a good or bad omen? I like to think that they're good omens. Heh.

Time to study for film theory. Bah.

Pogosticks and glass tanks.

Here I am sacrificing what's left of my dignity into pleading for props for shoot. Sigh.

Okay now here's your chance either to 1) pay me back for any favours you owe me or 2) have me owe you a favour.

I need these things for shoot:

- A pogostick that a 20 year old can jump around on.
- A glass tank (those used for keeping fishes and the like), big enough to have a person stick his head into and drown himself.
- Old photos that you don't want. We're gonna be burning them so let us have all the photos you don't want e.g family, ex-significant others, whatever.
- A long white simple dress in size XS.
- Black hair spray.
- A bible of moderate size. We're gonna be tearing it up so any christian-turned-satanist may pass me their copy.

All the above mentioned material will be returned after shoot with the exception of the photos and the bible. Yes, it'll be well taken care of. Any damages incurred will be compensated in cash.

We're also looking for talents (ahem, I use the term loosely) for shoot. Actors/actresses needed are as follows:

- A middle aged chinese woman who has a knack for violence.
- A girl of any race who is willing to makeout with a really handsome guy. Girl must have long hair. You will be keeping your clothes on and it's only one shot.
- An androgynous guy who looks to be about 20.

All actors/actresses will not be paid but meals, transport, cigarettes, and breath mints will be provided for. And since it's only one shot each, not much time will be wasted.

I'm probably posting in vain.

Seriously, I need the props and the talent. So please please pleaseeeeeee contact me at zola5555@hotmail.com if you can help me. Any assistance rendered will be paid back in full in the future if you ever need my help.

So yeah.


We'll be shooting in Limbo.

.

.

Travis Bickle.

"He's a prophet and a pusher, partly truth, partly fiction, a walking contradiction."

Travis Bickle: "Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up."

Taxi Driver is a truly marvellous film. Watched it twice already and yet I'm just itching to get the DVD. I wish I could be like Travis Bickle. The perfect anti-hero. Who needs a villain when the line between good and bad is so blur, even in reality.

We're so full of shit that we don't like to be called hypocrites. Instead, we invent a nicer term for it and now we call ourselves contradictory.

Untitled part 2.

With so much hypocrisy in the world, I truly believe that god is dead.

I'll give anything to be rid of this wrenching feeling in my heart.

Never speak of trust to me again.

Passion for film and the production line does not exist. Never speak to me about that again. You can say all the same old bullshit lines about giving up everything for what you believe in but it's all fucking bollocks.

Passion for music. Bullshit.

Everything is bullshit.

I hope you all die.

Untitled.

At this moment in time, I'm wishing with all my heart that I didn't exist.

I am never going to trust anybody again. Never, ever.

Never again. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

JULIUS YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD.

Kiat.

It's near the end of school and all the deadlines are coming up. The tests are coming up too. Fuck.

Luckily for me there's only two tests to study for, and both look to be pretty simple. But looks can be deceiving. Hahaha this is definitely being used out of context.

Script has been finalised and production is slated for the 18th - 20th of this month. Pre-production has started and crew have been found. Even got myself a makeup artiste and a music composer wooohoo. Hopefully I will be able to do justice to the script.

Yes, the title of the script is Kiat.

I don't think we'll have a problem with the equipment and the audio-post facilities since it's already been cleared by the respective lecturers so now I just got to get my cast, my schedule, my editing facility and my locations. Hopefully I won't fuck up. Gahhh.

Time to start on my film theory paper. Dammit.

The Beginning of the End.

Ideas are being finalised. Hopefully by tomorrow night, we'll have a script on our hands. I'm confident that this will work. Definitely.

In the meantime, it's time to start studying for docpro. Fuck.

Hello Dexter.

Life.

auralorgasm:: Mute Math - Reset

I'm utterly convinced that if you haven't seen lizard shit before, your life thus far has been a waste of time.

Have you seen lizard shit before?

Waiting for confirmation.

It just irks the fuck out of me when I actually bother giving advice because the person asked for it and then they don't listen to me. It doesn't help that I still care for the fucker.

Fuck lah your pasal, go do what you want lah. See if I givashit.

Actually I do but I'm gonna pretend I don't. HAH.

I've been meaning to say this for a few months now but it just kept slipping my mind so here goes: Garfield comics are mediocore and lousy and stupid and boring.

There.

I think I'm waiting for something. But I don't know what I'm actually waiting for. There's so much on my plate now but I have got absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I'm seriously worried about my multitrack written test. I think I'm gonna fuck it up badly unless of course I start studying now. But I don't have the notes. Gahhh.

I'm resigned to the fact that I'll be working in Geylang for ITP. I'm not really like 'wtf' anymore. Now I'm more like 'okay cool I'll be working shitloads of OT heh heh heh'. It helps that since Heng Han told me it's a new company, I'll get to learn more so I guess it's not as bad as I thought it was.

It better not be.

Change of plans where script is concerned. I'll be working with Joshua to come up with something fresh which will hook people. I don't think it'll be commercial but it won't be that art either. I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I just ran my van through a car wash. Now it's like white, really shiny white. Shiok.

I think I'll watch Simone tonight. Al Pacino. I gotta watch more films. Anybody got anything to recommend?

I am the Solivagus.

Pimped My Ride.

HAHAHAHAHA MY VAN IS NOW OUTFITTED WITH A CD PLAYER AND 3 SPEAKERS WOOHOOOO AND ALL FOR 400 BUCKS WAHAHAHA.

Now I'm poor.

Chao cheebye.

Time Consumer

Pain is only a pulse, if you'd just stop feeling it.

[Coheed and Cambria - Time Consumer]

I'll need a fucking miracle to finish up this stupid script. Bloody transition elements are killing me argh.

Just another saturday afternoon with lots to do but no motivation to do anything. God help me.

I finally succumbed to the sickness and paid the doctor a visit and cash. He said that my throat was infected and I only had 3 months to live.

So yeah.

No, it's a joke.

Really.

Blah.

Pimp My Ride

auralorgasm:: Sparta - Breaking the Broken

It seems that the nicer the person is, the more expensive the price. Today I went to 3 different shops to get an estimate of how much I'll need in order to fit my van with a CD player, 2 speakers, and a subwoofer. The first one I went to was extremely curt, but they offered me 250 for the two speakers and the player. The second one I went to was pretty nice, but they were gonna charge me 400 bucks. The last one was the nicest. They call themselves Zen Audio and they have pretty good shit down there. But they were gonna charge me 600 - 700 bucks.

I don't wanna pay for service man. Gimme rotten service but gimme good sound I say!

Then I came home and my mom told me that her employee's brother can do it for me at wayyy cheaper so tomorrow I'm gonna go cheggit out. Hopefully by tomorrow night, I'll be able to listen to proper music when I drive hur hur hur.

I may be drumming for this band called January since they have asked me to play but nothing's confirmed yet. They're influenced by bands like Coheed and Cambria, Further Seems Forever and Whence He Came plus they're willing to try new stuff out so it's pretty tempting haha.

But for now I'll just concentrate on getting my script out bahh.