This illusion.

INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

JANE is seated at her desk, working at her computer.


LESTER (V.O.): My daughter Jane. Only child.


CLOSE on the COMPUTER MONITOR: A PERSONAL BANKING SOFTWARE window suddenly disappears to reveal another window: a PLASTIC SURGERY WEBSITE, featuring clinical "before" and "after" photos of surgically augmented breasts.


LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd): Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass...


Outside, a CAR HORN BLARES. Jane stuffs items into her BACKPACK.


LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd): But I don't want to lie to her.


We HEAR the CAR HORN again from outside. Jane studies herself in a mirror, then shifts to get a good profile of her breasts.

- A scene from American Beauty.

Pre-production for Kiat is well underway, and going pretty smoothly. We've gotten the main cast already but we're still looking for the middle aged chinese woman and the androgynous guy. Ah fuck androgyny, any bloody guy will do.

The scary thing about directing this one is that I'm actually starting to feel like Kiat. I don't know how to explain it but whatever it is, it's not good for my mental health.

My thanks to Jennifer and Jocelyn for their photos/hairspray and bible respectively.

If anything will force me to suicide, this will. That is, if I even want to do such a silly thing.

I've been working really hard at this production. I really don't want to see it fall flat on its face. I think if I can't shoot, I'll just lock myself in my house and refuse to come out ever again. What's the point of doing anything else? There's nothing else I can look forward to.

At this point in time, I'll just like to say that I'm dangerously close to losing it.

I don't see the point in doing anything anymore. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I can't chill. No way in hell I can chill. I haven't chilled for the longest time. I'm getting to me. Fuck. I'm annoying myself. I'm pissing myself off. I'm doing things which I never knew I was capable of doing. I'm feelings things which I'm not even supposed to feel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I feel extremely screwed up.

My future's so bleak, it's not even funny anymore.