Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Bubble burst, it's back to the old routine again.

Wake, eat, school, sleep, repeat.

No time to think of love (yes love still sucks cock) but now at least I know that some people just ain't meant to be.


Fuzz: If it was 6 months ago, I would be in the exact same state as you are now so yeah don't worry, this stage won't last. There's no point in telling you to cheer up or not think about it because I know extremely well that it'll make you feel worse. At one stage I was hating myself so much that I even hated what I was typing as I blogged. You won't get out of it unmarked but it's not as bad as it sounds. For all it's worth, I'm here for you if you need to rant, debate, or just to talk cock.

That applies to most of you as well. But the word 'most' is relative and is defined by me as only 3 people. Fuzz is already mention so go figure. The other 2 know who they are, no need to clarify. If you think it's you then it's you. The rest can go fuck off and die.

In other news, I've listened to {Rotten Apples} already and there really is nothing like listening to your favourite Pumpkins songs on a cloudy day.

Oh and look! Poff's been mentioned on MTV Asia's website! Cheggit out here. Before some of you get psycho and start screaming that we're arrogant fuckheads and that that's just a small mention, fuck you and shut the fuck up. I did say we got mentioned (read: keyword), and I didn't say anything about how we're gonna cream the rest of the bands. In fact, I think they're gonna cream us.

Plus the people getting the good shit ain't Poff. It's Screamfront and they fucking deserve to get the whole article to themselves. They're really nice guys and they play good shit music. I should know. I auditioned them for Musik Art '03.

Yes yes yes, Jvlz is not in love anymore. Now go away and shut the fuck up.

Rawr. No more mush.

Monday, June 28, 2004

{Rotten Apples}

Had a really slackish first day of school today. Met up with people I've not seen for the past 2 months, lepak with them for a couple of hours, move to classroom for lesson, go meet Spider, then go town.

Bought The Smashing Pumpkins Greatest Hits: {Rotten Apples} today. Fucking track listing is killer, it includes most of my favourite songs including 1979 and tonight, tonight.

First time I've actually bought an album in 3 years. Heh. Finally.

I can't type anymore. I'm wayyyy too tired. Didn't sleep last night remember? Can't believe I actually survived the day. Whew.

Fah-king hell.

Ever tried lying in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep but sleep just won't come? Gah. I have no idea how I'm gonna survive school later on. Confirm plus guarantee become zombie. Die.

Never fear! Brand's Chicken Essence will keep me awake! Hah. Fuck the organic bullshit. I'm thinking more of red bull :D

Gah ignore this post. I'm retarded from lack of sleep.

Imma backstabber.


Imagine coming home and finding that out. First time in my whole life I've been called one and the novelty is wearing off fast.

I've cleared everything up now and it really was partially my fault that this ever happened. Why? I listened to only one side and I said some stuff which I can't take back. Oh well, I can make up for it anyhow.

To you, I apologise for what I've posted about you being a flirt and all but you must understand that given your character, of course I would believe what I hear about you. I've known you for so fucking long already and the thought that you would actually change for the better never even crossed my mind. Hmmm. What's done is done but you had better be serious about changing. I do hate being lied to so much.

To you, I'm not angry or pissed off or feeling whatever emotion you may think I'm feeling now. I'm still your friend and will always be your friend. What I can say to you is that there are certain people around you whom you had better not trust with your most important secrets. Look what happened. But honestly, it's just a mountain out of a molehill. Why even bother?

If you blocked me from your msn then so be it. A loss of someone I care about isn't much of a big deal to me now.

Why is it that everytime I wish to elevate myself out of everything, I get embroiled into other people's lives? There must be something I'm doing wrong here. This is perplexing :/

All these and I've got to wake up in 2 hours time. Gosh.

Heh the sleepless nights are already starting, even before school starts.

In other news, I've finally been thinking of her less. Just every 10 minutes instead of every 5 minutes. Yes! I'm strong! I can beat this feeling down!

Being in denial sucks. :(

Sunday, June 27, 2004

School's cool.

Tagboard's up!

School's starting tomorrow and my first class is an IS class. For those who have no idea what's IS, it's a sodding waste of time. How the fuck do you teach entrepreneurship or creativity, ESPECIALLY creativity.


On the bright side, the feeling is starting to fade. I think I can conquer this as long as I don't get reminded of her or see her around school. Please Lord, don't let me see her.


Still addicted to the Scissor Sisters :D

Eyes wide shut.

I can't seem to be able to sleep. It's not that I'm not tired, I'm fucking exhausted. But I can't seem to want to sleep. I'm like staying up, anticipating something, waiting for something to happen.


Never mind, I'll just blame it on her being in my head. Sick of hearing about her? HAH! Try thinking of someone 24/7 and you'll know how it feels like to suffer.

Uh okay never mind.

A bird's eye view.

Cleared everything up with Sal/Green. I gotta admit, I hated him for what he did (or rather didn't do) but now everything's fine. I'm still trying to forget it and move on, act as if nothing has happened but it's hard to do.

For the rest of you, I still have not forgiven you.


I'm addicted to the Scissor Sisters. Their album is fucking kickass.

Lovers in the backseat/
Jealous glances now I'm looking for another song/
On the radio/
I'll take you to a sad street/
In the shadows we can touch one another now/
Now lets watch the show/

[Scissor Sisters - Lovers in the backseat]

Yep and as for her, I figured that I don't love her. I can't love her. I mean I don't even know her. So it's more of a like thing. Yeah.

So now I'm in like.

Fuck that. The only thing I'm in is denial :(

Julius in love is not cute, Fuzz. Julius in love is stupid and retarded and uhm generally not in a good way. Ah I meant Julius in like. Ah fuck it.

I hate menthol cigarettes. I'm more of a classic flavour person. I fucking hate hate hate menthol cigs. Urgh.

I also hate people who do things at the last minute. For whoever's sake, the point is not that even if you did book the room earlier we still couldn't get it BUT why the fuck must you always leave it till so late? I wasn't so wrong about you when I called you an idiot to your face was I? You just can't seem to get the point can you? Why must you always fuck up. It's not as if you don't have a choice in anything. You do have, only that you're always too careless, too lazy, too ineffective to do anything about your choices.


Just one of the great mysteries of life, I guess.

In other news, I finally cleared up my workspaces. My table and cupboard looks so tidy now. It's just so not me. If I ever get my own apartment or living space, I probably can't live in it after a few years coz it'll be so cluttered I can't get in through the door.

I don't feel like typing anymore. I think I shall go smoke and slack by meself. I prefer my own company over having other people with me anyway.

Damn it she's still in my head. Argh.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

A night to remember.

3 gay guys. Yes, that's make up on their faces.

Jas looks so fucking huge.

Eh no, it's just because Stacey's tiny. XD

Rashad is so damned photogenic.

Praying before going onstage. I swear they were speaking in tongues. I thought I had run into a cult meeting.

Fadhil looking dumb. 'nuff said.

Yiying looks so fucking sweet here, you just wanna grab and kiss her. The downside is that she'll probably fidget her way out of your grasp, hence the fuzzy image.


Jiayuan and Audrey.

Halawah looking dumb.


Salleh and Shaifu getting it on onstage.

Crew of Bottled Dreams. Directed by Shaifu, starring Edwina, Rashad, Salleh, Shaifu, Weiliang, Yiying.

Stacey doing something that I would have loved to do to Adi.

Cast of Hide It, Written by JY, directed by Fadhil and starring Adi, Joyce, Sara (the guy in red shirt), and Stacey.

Can you feel the emo-ness?

Uhm. Ahem.

This is PSF. JY and Yiying are absent coz they were doing something more useful with their time instead of taking stupid photos.

Yes that's me, Jvlz, longhaired dumbass. Pardon the bad picture, it's hard to get a good pic when you're not looking at the LCD.

Ahh. Tonight was the night of production. Kudos to the cast and crew of both 'Hide It' and 'Bottled Dreams'. You guys did swell. Restecp.

It just feels so good to be wielding a cam again.

Tonight was also the night of revelations. Not really a revelation since I already knew what was going to happen even before it started anyway. But it's always nice to be proven right. Not so nice for her of course, since it was her who got her heart shattered. But I did warn her and so did her friend so I have nothing on my conscience.

Fuck you for being such a flirt. You know who you are, I don't have to say anything. I bet you have an idea of how much you're hated right now. Jumping from girl to girl and stroking your own ego, think it's fun don't you? HAH. You have no bloody idea how many people know of you and your philandering ways. Oh well, I'm not in any position to lecture you anyhow so go do whateverthefuck you want. But let it be known to you that people do know what you're doing. Not everyone is blind you know.


In other news, I've got an infection. An infection of the worst sort. The dreaded word starting with 'L'. Fuck. I haven't felt this way in aeons. This surely can't lead to anything good.

Yes you dumbfucks the word is called love.

I think of her when I take a dump, think of her when I'm being an ass, think of her when I drum, think of her before I sleep, think of her when I'm taking photos of other asses (literal or otherwise), damn I feel sick.

I think I'm having an adverse reaction to this feeling. My mind and body is just so not used to it. It's been so long...

And I wonder/
As I sing along with you/
If everything could ever feel this real forever/
If anything could ever be so good again/
Only thing I'll ever ask of you/
You've got to promise not to stop when I say so/
She said/

[Foofighters - Everlong]

Heh. -blush- SHY LAH.

Okay Musikart '04 is definitely on. Hah. I'm coming back to PSF to organise the thing. I hope there won't be any technical fuck ups this year like what happened last year. I hope for a better crowd too. Oh fuck it, since I'm already hoping, I'm hoping to incorporate hiphop with rock this year too. Local music is local music after all. Date, venue and artistes not confirmed yet. Gonna invite local band to play too. Hah. Gonna be fun. I hope.

Poff has a gig 4th July. Got a couple of new songs that we're gonna play. Come if you can, it's gonna be really fun.

Hmmm I guess that's it for tonight. I feel like posting more but I don't know what to say. Hah. Fuck it.

Will she return my affections...?


Friday, June 25, 2004

Finger Eleven - Bones and Joints

I've been down here before/
all my bones and joints are sore/
lost myself and so much more/
find my way out of the game again.

Yeah that's right. I'm sick of the charades, the facade. I'm totally fucking sick of it. Enough of the masks, enough of the mannequins, the people. Fuck ya'll. No man is an island my arse. I'm an island.

The hypocrisy is killing me.

I see in colour, all of you see in black and white. We cannot relate to each other no more. You can all go live in your own little worlds where you can't see beyond the next girl/guy, the next meal, the next outing, the next trend, the next big thing, the next fuck, the next time you get stiff. Enough.

I'm losing it and I'm losing it fast.

I can't wait for school to start. At least then I'll have something to do, something which I occupy my mind with. No time to think. Just work as hard as possible and come home exhausted. Sleep to recoup my energy and off I go again. 6 months of this. I can't wait for it. I love the vicious cycle of routine sometimes. It's mind-numbing. But perhaps that's problem. Routine has killed off all your attempts at individuality.

It always comes back to this doesnt it? The struggle of an individualist to be an individual among many other individuals.

Why do people always assume that I'm the one with the problem? Why can't people see that it's not me but them. That when they tell me not to think too much, what they're really asking me to do is to become a dumbass fucktard like the rest of the world. It's like giving up a sword to gain a penknife.


Psychological Mindfuck


AHHH XIU#M)(MX_()@X_@.x-[,2




And that's the way she makes me feel.

Stop fucking thinking about her.


Thursday, June 24, 2004


-hugeass grin-

Orientation is finally over. I've gotten to know a whole lot of new people and yeah it's been great fun. Especially fun to see people stressing out and cracking heh.

Sigh school starts monday. Oh well.

I've really gotta start tidying up my workspaces in preparation for the new semester. Better do it soon. I'm so not looking forward to it. I hate housework. Housework sucks.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Working towards your dreams.

This article has said it all for me. Read and contemplate.


I'm experiencing a weird feeling of peace and contentment right now. There's complete silence about me other than the sound of my fan blowing and the faint sound of cars driving by outside my window.

Okay fine so that's not complete silence but I'm still feeling peaceful.

It must be the cloudy sky, the cool breeze and the fact that I smoked a stick half an hour ago that's affecting my mood. I won't mind feeling this way forever. This is my idea of heaven.

Which brings another idea into play. Won't be a total bitch to find out that when you die, the atheist was right all along? That once the human body goes into decay and the heart finally stops, what might be awaiting your 'soul' may not be a happy pink place with candy floss clouds and lollipop flowers but eternal oblivion. That you may not see, feel, hear and touch ever again. No love, no hate, just eternal slumber. A sleep which you can never wake up from.

Yeah I know I'm supposed to be christian and believe in God and Jesus and whatnot but I'm human too. I do question my beliefs. Sometimes I get so scared that I shake myself physically and bitchslap myself mentally.

I don't wanna scare you guys too much so I shall just stop here.

Ahhhh but for the moment, life is too good to be true. Alone and without friends to bug the shit out of you, woooo I'm feeling good bayyybeeee.

Happy bornday.

First off, I'll like to wish Faz/Fuzz/Fuzzie an extremely happy 18th birthday (although I personally feel that there's nothing to be happy about but then again it's just me).

Secondly, I would like to say that the rest of you still suck. Not as if you haven't gathered my loathing for human beings yet but I'm just reminding you guys.

In other news, I fucking hate people calling me up just to ask me to drive them around. Oh wait, I hate people exploiting me in any way. It's okay if you actually treat me like a friend and not call me just when you need something. Has it ever occurred to any one of you that I don't exist to serve any of you? I'm fine with doing a few favours for a friend but I don't appreciate being made use of. That doesn't apply only to driving people around. With that said and done with, bugger off and don't bother me.

My main com has been sent away to recuperate from a virus at an undefined location. So I guess I'll have to use my laptop to blog while my other computer gets a new OS. Grrrr. No photos to post :( I could take more but I'm too busy. Oh well, another day then.

A tagboard will be up soon. I mean, as soon as I can get JY to do it heh. I'm technologically incompetent as I've mentioned before and I'm ever so greatful to her for helping me out with this.

Links are up. Go cheggout whether your links work and if they don't, don't bother me. I don't care.

And for the last fucking time, those that haven't linked me or updated those dead links better do it soon.

Yep I'm baaaack alright. It feels so good to be me. :D

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

The Lonely, The Angry, and The Hungry.

Wrote a song the other day. Poff got on it and we finished almost everything by the next day. It's...depressing. But I'm pretty happy with it coz that's the way I wanted it to be. Hallelujah.

Saw a ghost in my bedroom yesterday. I was lying on my bed at 4.30am and trying to sleep. When I opened my eyes there was this white shape hovering above my brother's bed, about 1.5 metres away from me. I blinked and rubbed my eyes but the thing didn't disappear. If anything it became more solid-looking.

Fucking hell.

Switched on the light and the thing was gone.


In other news, I absolutely love it when I'm causing trouble for people whom I don't like. -hugeass grin- But then again, I wouldn't give a shit about people unless they purposely go out of their way to piss me off. So basically, it's tit for tat.

Yes if you think I'm talking about you, then I probably am talking about you. I would post your name but it's such a pity that I've got to be more diplomatic. But trust me, unlike you, I'm not into backstabbing. Whatever people are saying, they got the vibes from you. And there's a lot of people out there who knows what you're saying and doing.

Fucking hypocrite. I despise you.

I'm extremely near to blowing my top. Don't push me anymore. Watch your step and all will be fine.


Monday, June 21, 2004

Be right back in awhile.

I'll be back in a few days. I don't like blogging on my laptop plus most of my pictures are in my other com. I'm getting my com fixed tomorrow night so I guess I'll start blogging then.

OCH was a failure. With friends like mine, my enemies are having a whale of a time.

I'll be going back there. Rawr.

Saturday, June 19, 2004


I just came back from a night shoot which was pretty relaxing since I was alone. No one to rush me, no one to pester me, ahhh bliss. However, night shots are extremely difficult for me due to the fact that the LCD on my digicam doesn't pick up as much light as the viewfinder on a SLR would. It's also extremely hard to focus without seeing the actual subject so I had to do everything by guesstimate. Had to take multiple shots too, gahh. Tak skill. However I managed to capture some wonderfully trippy shots so at least it wasn't a total waste of time and effort. 'nuff said. Enjoy.

Or not.


I like the visual composition of this one.

I like this cat. It's really friendly.

Or so I thought until it ran away from me and into the closest drain.

Sigh. Some things/people really should never be neglected.

Uh no comments.

Slow shutter speed + reckless drivers = interesting visuals.

The best shot of the whole night IMO.

Oh and I would also like to thank JY for helping me tweak my blog template although I think that the font size is wayyyy too small and the font too ugly. That's my fault actually, for not specifying. Anyway my blog is ready to go public (pubic?) so hello everyone.

I've missed you all.

P.S: If your link is not up and you think it should be up, tag me on my comments board. Of course it's up to me to decide whether to put your link up or not so don't expect anything if you know you're on my shit list.

P.P.S: Even though I may sound more mellow than I did 6 months ago, I would like to remind you buggers that this is MY blog and I have the fucking right to say whatever the fuck I want. Got that?

Silly sods.

Friday, June 18, 2004


I woke up this morning with World War 5 raging in my stomach.

The pain reminds me that I'm still alive.

It also reminds me why I feel the urge to just give it all up and fade into oblivion. Life is painful sometimes.

In other news, I've finally managed to get the links and other stuff up thanks to the ever helpful JY but unfortunately everything looks so huge and horrible. I hate the font I'm using but I have no bloody idea how to change it. Bummer.

This blog will go public when I manage to find a way to tweak everything to satisfaction. Until then, it'll remain largely unknown and please, I seek all of your cooperation in keeping in that way. Everything looks so horrible urgh. It's really an eyesore.

No pictures to post up tonight although I've got a few interesting ones to share. Blame it on the computer that crashed. All my pictures are inside that one and there's no way to bring the pictures over other than by diskette. But for some reason I can't transfer the pictures over in that diskette coz it refuses to accept the file. God knows why.

Oh well, I've always been retarded at computers so I don't really give a shit. Shall wait for my brother to come back from camp so that he can fix the thing up. Alternatively I could call up SCV but knowing them, they'll probably take 3 days to come and charge 300 bucks for doing something which my brother can easily accomplish. I have such faith in my brother.

Another reason why I don't want my blog to go public yet is because I'm very apt to type loooong posts and it looks really retarded when viewed on the blog.


My head feels like it's imploding and my joints are aching. I shall end with a poem.

There was a boy named jvlz.
His head imploded.
He died.

Bye bye beautifuls.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

I hate technology.

Technology blows.

My fucking computer keeps fucking hanging on me. I'm seriously contemplating driving to Bukit Batok to pick up JY so that she can perform a miracle on my com. Unfortunately a couple of factors are preventing me from doing this.

1) I don't know how to go to Bukit Batok.
2) It's 2.30am.
3) She has to wake up early tomorrow.
4) I have to wake up early tomorrow.

So the most obvious solution is... to blame my sister.

Not that I'm shifting blame of course but I used the computer before I left the house at 7pm and it was working fine. I come home at about 2am and the computer's fucked. THe keyboard's not propped up so it's a sure sign it's her.


Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Computer stupid.

I just spent the last 2 hours staring at the interface of Dreamweaver MX blankly, trying futilely to remember what I've learnt during the first semester at school.

I'm still computer stupid. To buggery with computers.

To make myself feel better, I'm going to post up a few pictures I took yesterday and later on tonight I'll post more.

The Headless Herald.

Pointless but nice.

Cheggout the depth heh.

Shite I'm late for jamming. Gotta rush.

Monday, June 14, 2004

The first of many memories captured in a frame.

The Ethereal Gates. Under construction that is.

Heh heh heh. Cool. I think I'll like using bloggerbot. Hmmm.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

The start of the chronicles.

New blog.

New address.

Same shit, different toilet.