The truths onto which a child holds dear.

Spending most of my time at kindergartens watching children running happily about (mostly) has led me to realise how fucked it is to grow up.

The amount of virtues and truths a child is taught at that age is huge, but what's more amazing is that the child is able to absorb so much within his/her short life. I won't deny that the sight of one kid hugging another kid while posing for a picture touches my heart, no matter how much I dislike kids. Ask them to smile and they do, plastic at first but becoming genuine gradually. (Other than the ones as Kaki Bukit. I recorded 9 SELECTED minutes of fucking tragedy before they started smiling. Which means that they were the happiest of the saddest, and they still looked as though as someone stole their chocolate and told them their mommy has run away with another mommy).

It's funny that we think of children as dumb (well, definitely not as smart as us grownups), but they know more about love and friendship than most of us. Is that considered dumb?

We grow evermore stupid as we age.

I'm ashamed to admit that I have lost much of the things that makes us human which I held so dear as a child. No matter how hard we try, we can just as successfully define in words the true meaning of love, happiness and friendship as we can define God.

Impossible.

I'm not a perfect being, I'm just as flawed as anybody out there, or even more so. But nobody can say that I didn't try. I try not to disappoint, I try to be fillial,I try to make things easier for people, I try to be so much, but sometimes I fall short of the mark. For that I'm sorry. I'm sorry not because I'm not perfect, but because I'm a failure at love, at friendship, at being happy. I'm sorry for causing hurt, I'm sorry for being how I am.

Sorry just don't cut it no more.

I want to fly so high in the fucking sky that if anything happens to me and I fall, I'll break every single bone in my body and die straightaway. That brief feeling of breaking boundaries is so worth it.

On a sidenote, my grades for this semester:

PRODUCTION PLANNING - AD

FILM THEORY & AESTHETICS - A+

DOCUMENTARY PRODUCTION - B+

MULTITRACK RECORDING - C+

SELF EXPRESSION:DRAMA & POETRY - B

INTRO TO FINANCIAL PLANNING - C+

For the first time, I got Cs. For the first time too, I got a distinction. Uhhh.

Oh well, this just goes to show that I'll never make it as a financial planner or a sound engineer. Cheers.

Time for some beer and chips. Congratulations Julius, you've just fucked up again.